Storage Ghost

my eyes roll like dice, scattering probabilities spiced!
the cost of a gamble?
is scratching my head as i ramble !

whatever to the never,
‘cuz it’s not like IT intended on ever really coming through ( at least, FOR YOU)

their languished, weary confusion, was then
re-billed to my mirrored delusion!
i can either pay it, or let it go, overdraft?
after which, the picture and frame would both laugh !

‘cuz what a scene that would be, ha –
to portray : my dismay, on the table of their concern?
i much rather burn!!!
until i’m left crusted from the flickering flame...

041421 SG
fire, plants, art decor

peeling away at this smoke and ash –
forgiveness is requesting to come to pass,
but i’m too stubborn to ever remember,
that my preference for Spring is not tantamount to your December!

so i choose to remove myself like a fly, chilling against the wall.

but if you were close to my ear, i wouldn’t dismiss your call.
neither, would i smash at the annoyance of your disposition.
irrespective of how preciously, you may regard that ‘position’.

i shutter to believe : we could shoulder next to the grudge
‘cuz it wouldn’t be long until we succumb to the nudge
but,
by storing my memories to your ghost? i’ve relinquished our odds to the abyss and uttermost!

A dREam DeFeRrEd

while sleepwalking the dream deferred
I was then sewn up, folded down, as my voice went unheard
my spirit yet sought to eat the written word
as my midnight repentance’s slurred…

to underline the meaning of the said pitch
jars of stones, drawers of spells, are requesting a stitch
placement – where could the key abide?
if not in a enclosed location – where memories are kept far and wide!

meanwhile the coattail
of their foundation proved genuinely steady
but the camisole was see through,
collapsing my bashfulness, surrendering me ready…

as wavy fiction produces depictions of various inflictions
many of which attempt to make clear sense 
or else the pot is in need of a rinse
for the container can only contain so much, before spilling over
it’s been said : reality is a four dimensional clover.

so
i’ve come to the same
conclusion. 
a route destined to a recurring confusion.
like a cul-de-sac – the ‘whereabouts’ ain’t amounting to jack!

032821 ADD


i’ve test drove many herbs & clusters:
for it provided a pleasure i dreamed to be the case. 
flowers rooted in the soil but soon destined to be inside of a vase. 

the memory of life wishes to revive. 
but in between my closing eyes, this departure must contrive. 
to a place I’ve known? i’m kept grown!

when the aura comes around once more – what then, is left to be obtained? besides allergies from the flowers which have left me pained!
maybe some visualizations are better seen within the dream? 
it need not be for real, otherwise my hesitations will scream!

upon the alarm, my trepidation returns deferred
sleeping and waking life diffusing my fears into me like a songbird

but i missed the motion sought to keep me dancing
instead my spelling was silenced to restless nights romancing
sliced by the cut : as to excite the allure of the jiggly phat, what?

“ease on out of that pie!”
or else you‘ll DYE : teeth darker than mud – ruining those pearly whites for a musty crud!
wouldn’t that be a shame?
ha, i can explain! :::

as forces are sent to convict the mind of the infidel because they dared to call out the BULL, which would have otherwise continued stubbornly stool.
buried underneath, allowing advantages to be traced! some have already gone to waste, others? are lurking by at an inquisitive pace!

thus, this dREaM DeFeRrEd requires a writing down of every emotion stirred
to embrace : the flower & vase

before it goes away into withering decay. knowing that this transfer must occur, despite the lines which will inevitably blur!
….

as you were, The Game is Over for my Coeur…   blessings and light to Yael Naim & David Donatien for all of their timeless offerings. this one goes all the way ❤

 

 

EvErYwHeRe n’ EvErYtHiNg

this writing has scheduled me captive
a release of this feeling, caging me adaptive :
to all of the colors of misery left to display.
(you can expect nursery rhymes, idioms, and fantasy – hooray!)
these tones and fixtures dressing my shadows are compromised by a flaunting spark.
it flickers like a flame 
but the accountancy checks, marks?
are signed by a fraudulent name!
to what end does this despair carry?
unspoken abbreviations which can no longer tarry…
the marriage of the dichotomy between liquid and gas
prompts offspring of the physical and spiritual heir to come to past.

 


everywhere, n’ everything started to sing
people, places, n’ ideas, signaled a RING!
a chance to be answered by sweaty and out of breath dancers – fancying the occasion, to respond to this decadent persuasion. in which all NOUNS had to recite their lines, up beat, crushed, & entwined !

but,
instead of facing the consequences truly,
their cowardice became unruly.
outside of the inside and around the down and found – traveling at a speed where their nebula can reach before the flashlight could click. 
right before, my feet met slick
like an x – rated flick
now there’s a drip
providing a spiral confession
wherein this tale reads as my succession
everybody readily ‘revels’ at the bounce.
a party filled with jello and colorful hellos.
it would be seen as circumstantial- to not undress and dismantle.
so here’s to the cutting – right to the chase – windows perplexed and mirrors gone to waste. 
a price of vanity, is an impending transaction.
these muscular trophies, have been attained through repetitive tension.
filled with cyclical-calendar-commitments-reimbursing-the-worked out-pension.
here are a few, (commitments) which make due :
turtles n’ gloves.
rubrics n; doves. 
magic and mind.
candy at influx with rhyme. 
calories and added fat. mistakes and cute cats. soothing the reminder of yesteryear, reminding very clear as to what it means to be free.
a collective university
wherein the masses accompany 
– in struggle and in harmony!

for..

many are displaced.
figuring out what caused their mind to go ace. stricken from the eyespassionate lullabies.
tread with light feet.
colorful slides? mesmerized!
roasted junctions in heat as the sun turns to direction of the west
a light recurs to test!
a bedazzling agent provocateur,
inviting lace scented webs stringed to allure.

shall i continue or go on?
back when, n’ again…

everywhere, n’ everything started to sing
people, places, n’ ideas, signaled a THING!

singing tunes of the clown and a smile that became a frown!
not all answers went down.
some went around.
others came to only fly.
i could try.
but i can’t explain the withering refrain

for..

the pedigree of my registry
left me aligned with a succulent pleasantry 
i’m hungry cuz my motions have been left starved
as structures became carved
medicine was then pulverized
to escape the large n’ embodied surprise 
cuz that pill? was built ill!

everywhere, n’ everything started to sing
people, places, n’ ideas, signaled a RING!




HISTORICAL FACT*

it is a historical fact! that the story has been played like an act !
there’s indeed a synopsis and sequel  …
but the characters and setting are not equal !



troubled is the fragrance that left me stained
reminded, tossed, inactive remains? spiked n’ chained !
i wish to train the cross left for me to bear
the markers are legislated : docile and unfair

it is a historical fact! that the lines are studied, written, & tracked!
there’s indeed a subject and plot …
but the producer failed at hiring the director’s slot !

whose forrest is being destroyed and whose lawn is in need of finely cut grass?
besides the mercenaries who only seek to exploit the working class?
BUT we’re kicking the glass so that it may fall
for this sound is a recall
that the shattering deposition of restricting forces may withstand even within an arid and calloused land/hand

it is a historical fact! that the story has been cracked!
there’s indeed hammers, screws, and drills ….
but the complex is yet incomplete, exempt from all the thrills!

we’re pumped y’all! ! 
cuz we’ve already been captured by a blood sucking thief
thus, certainly there’s no peace of mind or bodily relief
when in war – one can not simply refuse the score
only until the pedals and bullets are scattered on the floor
will the meaning of such sacrifice bum-rush the door

it is a historical fact! that the story has been stacked!
one coming in after the other, now the room is packed!
there’s indeed a selling point and central theme
one in which may create a distraction or a humorous meme ….

ScRiBbLe dRriBbLe…

turn on the lights!
escaping my window frame is a horizontal gaze,
extending itself onto a perpendicular praise.
the numbers outweigh
the substance and sway.
tho ‘the dough’ is rolling on by cylinder finesse.
by wood crafting, but the ghost of sawdust is no mans fool.
this tool,
is blunt with dull edges, yet it does chop.
from bharal to
bunny hop –
distance merely invites a motion or silent still
both of which can move a mountainous hill
further above, beyond and predictably ahead….
inquiring neighbors lounge, the graveyard of the dead.
though, the sprinkler system alarms the yawn to spawn a reactive measure,
set adjacent to the milk, honey, & pleasure
it is by outdated refrain,
i have foreseen the capable and much needed dream.
by neon surprise, this sleep has counted my weary and western eyes – however, the food has expired where there are now fruit flies.
sweet and stingy cuz i’ve survived the reaction which reckons with pickup and sorted decay. awakening my languid latitudes by drifting with the longitudes which have left me fed as prey.
yes, my hostage is hostile and unkept
by stratified emotions in which Jesus Wept.

020821 SD

aLl Of My ScRiBbLeS???

dRriBbLe !!!!
through the language of many sounds.
echoes and whispers which arouse my ears with devotional candles and incense.
assuring a moving dissipation to condense.
i’m drawn with a holy supplication – errors now joined with practiced theory.
So what if : the marks of progress are torn by eternal struggle and engulfed dreary?
the ancestors have empowered me to soften my hands to their stone – the vow is kept and made home,
despite imperialist forces set to cast us alone.
the work continues to service my spirit ready for war. hands and feet, thickly covered with blood and tar. safeguarded by tactical drones and made stable by a dichotomized satellite
we shall soon gain our second sight !
bringing the masses closer to liberty and peace
the awakening bells provide a feast
wherein all fears and inhibitions can surcease !

c3L3bRaT3, DiSrAt3!!!

i’m distracted by an invisible, obscene light! it’s beams have blinded my flight, my knees encapsulated very tight, as to not refuse this surrender in near sight. historically, the scenes have been rewritten by bourgeois state, propaganda page – it is of this unprecedented age – wherein our search for truth, has lost its REASON. yet, others mention : ‘tis the SEASON!

 

&…as much as i can appreciate ‘ALL OF THE LIGHTS’ which come with this very spirit and time, unfortunately the cookies and sweetness do not adequately rhyme. my *c3l3bration* is displaced _ for the pages have been spoiled through revisionist stains, an aroma so abhorrent it confuses your BRAIN!

they got you SOLD, through mere packaging and characters TOLD. Santa or Jesus come quickly, for the time is nigh! what stands to reckon with the shoulder and thigh? most of everybody seems to reside on the ‘merry fairy’ – hands full, chugging with a chug of hot cocoa and cider! they got their stockings full with Rudolph on call, if ever they’re in need of a rider. meats, staggering eyes, and holiday cheer! for ‘Christmas and ‘Knew’ is often wrapped as ‘The Most Holy Time of the Year’.

010321 CD

but i’m feeling distant and enclosed, like an envelope that never reached across the shore. up and around with star clouds circling rain, crowning promises with heights capable of steady gain. stretched from bone to rock – appealing for breathable fiction to arise and flock. gathering clusters of ancient and mystical craze // finding delight in sensory history – wedged between mushroom and daisy blistery. according to a will that’s real and not faint. one couldn’t paint this taint through lecture of structure but by a compelling deal. which is what’s real. real as in real ISOLATION _ dislocated memories rewritten by highjacked and embezzled CONSTELLATIONS.

it’s been in the works for a long time! forgotten is the said formulation of demonstrable protest and awakening. narratives are then created to depict a revisionist herstory. changing the form from body to glory : extinguishing the spirit and orchestrating the story, thus leaving the remnants of this TALE – engaged in dichotomy, fought tooth and nail. with the essences of all that is taught and unlearned : i request of the guest of my soul – a quest that may reimburse the TOLL. for my mercies have been SPENT, bruised and hidden from the ears in where my whispers could VENT. 

 

for : the veil has been torn but also worn. through the mention of its appearance, you’re soon subject to its absurd adherence. we wear *with despair’ all of which, spontaneously comes our way. it is with this notion, that we fluctuate and dismay. but are we tempted to disguise – what may be left to surrender or arise? from out of the dark, hallow, and encrusted flame, our integrity is sentenced to return to a place where there’s no name. it rhymes with real but it’s not a shady deal. tho, invisibly embodied as spirit and intention, there is no mention – of the friction and tension – of the thin sheet which misplaces ones attention.
010321 Z2A
N2021 – for 3 months, I shall rewind from Z 2 A and i must say: what was already said, remained laid – bare and uncovered on my bed. words which were misplaced and spoken and saved as a lifeline, have now been forged by the consequential flame of a spoiled vine – one that can be followed through***- one that can be played AHEAD. if you follow along, the buttons will connect with embroidery THREAD. so follow along with me from Z 2 A – many more animations and symbols to display!

010321 URISOPC RUISOPC

**** RUISOPC 3 MONTHS (3,7,10,14,17,21,28) // sunday’s, wednesday’s,saturday’s // instagram live, twitter, twitch, youtube, str3aming s3rvic3s, 3tc…***
UP UNTIL ‘URISOPC’ is released!

WEIGH THE MINUTE! TYPO OR FATE? (CH.10 : IS G-D DONKEY KONG?)

this concludes the 10 chapter volume of Weigh The Minute! Typo Or Fate? TO CHECK OUT THE OTHER CHAPTERS CLICK HERE : ( CH.1 // CH.2 // CH.3 // CH.4 // CH.5 // CH.6 // CH.7 // CH.8 // CH.9 )

the story of Balaam and the DON_KEY is one of those stories, that visually stands out as among, the most unusual in scripture. just like when the serpent spoke for the first time in Genesis. figuratively or actually – the metaphor of such parable is enough to shakes ones head N2 imagination. in this particular story : G-D chose to possess a Don_Key to SPEAK words, which prompted Balaam to strike, 3 times. The man being pissed at the Don_Key’s apparent stubbornness and delusion , nearly killed his faithful Don_Key.

 

122120 WTMTOF CH10IGDK
Numbers 22:21-39

Numbers 22: 21-39

 

21 Balaam got up in the morning, saddled his donkey and went with the Moabite officials. 22 But God was very angry when he went, and the angel of the Lord stood in the road to oppose him. Balaam was riding on his donkey, and his two servants were with him. 23 When the donkey saw the angel of the Lord standing in the road with a drawn sword in his hand, it turned off the road into a field. Balaam beat it to get it back on the road.24 Then the angel of the Lord stood in a narrow path through the vineyards, with walls on both sides. 25 When the donkey saw the angel of the Lord, it pressed close to the wall, crushing Balaam’s foot against it. So he beat the donkey again.26 Then, the angel of the Lord moved on ahead and stood in a narrow place where there was no room to turn, either to the right or to the left. 27 When the donkey saw the angel of the Lord, it lay down under Balaam, and he was angry and beat it with his staff. 28 Then the Lord opened the donkey’s mouth, and it said to Balaam, “What have I done to you to make you beat me these three times?” 29 Balaam answered the donkey, “You have made a fool of me! If only I had a sword in my hand, I would kill you right now.” 30 The donkey said to Balaam, “Am I not your own donkey, which you have always ridden, to this day? Have I been in the habit of doing this to you?”“No,” he said.31 Then, the Lord opened Balaam’s eyes, and he saw the angel of the Lord standing in the road with his sword drawn. So he bowed low and fell facedown. 32 The angel of the Lord asked him, “Why have you beaten your donkey these three times? I have come here to oppose you because your path is a reckless one before me.[a] 33 The donkey saw me and turned away from me these three times. If it had not turned away, I would certainly have killed you by now, but I would have spared it.”34 Balaam said to the angel of the Lord, “I have sinned. I did not realize you were standing in the road to oppose me. Now if you are displeased, I will go back.”35 The angel of the Lord said to Balaam, “Go with the men, but speak only what I tell you.” So Balaam, went with Balak’s officials. 36 When Balak heard that Balaam, was coming, he went out to meet him at the Moabite town on the Arnon border, at the edge of his territory. 37 Balak said to Balaam, “Did I not send you an urgent summons? Why didn’t you come to me? Am I really not able to reward you?” 38 “Well, I have come to you now,” Balaam replied. “But I can’t say whatever I please. I must speak only what God puts in my mouth.”39 Then Balaam went with Balak to Kiriath Huzoth.

CREDITS EXTEND TO EACH AND EVERY NOUN, MENTIONED IN THIS ENDEAVOR. THE REASON ‘G-D’ IS WRITTEN AS SUCH IS BECAUSE THE ‘O’ WHICH MAKES ONE ‘GO’ : IN VARIOUS PLACES, GETS THROUGH BY KALEIDOSCOPIC DEGREES. ALSO, THE SACRED AND DIVINE, NEEDN’T BE FULLY CALLED BY EVERY LETTER.

phonto

HOLY FIRE ON THE HILL

OVERFLOWING RIVERS

HURRICANE RAYKWAN

TOMSON

RAPTUS

YELLOW JOURN

MISSIONARY ‘LIVION***

GRANNY LIGHT

BISHOP GRIN

PASTOR SCREAMER & WHISPER

MOTHER VIRGINIA

MISSIONARY GLADY’S

 

EISEGESIS // EXEGESIS

MINISTER // SINISTER

PROPHETS // PROFITING

OBLIVION // RESISTANCE TO PROGRESS

THE WORD TEMPLE // O.S.A.S

THE CHURCH // THE S3ARCH

KN3W COV3NANT // MARK3T

SiNgAlOnG2m3!!! // UNM3RIT3D FAVOR

RaDiCaL N’ TrAdItIoNaL ReLiGiOUs SeNtImEnT // wEaReLiViNgInThElAsTdAzE!!!

WEIGH THE MINUTE! TYPO OR FATE? (CH.9 : TRIPPING ON YOUR TRIP)

*This is a 10 chapter endeavor that will conclude on December 21, 2020.*

“w3 op3n th3 door and what do w3 s33? a big fat mirror looking at w3. what’s this r3fl3ction t3lling w3? to charg3 all my sadn3ss on w3. but it can’t all b3, m3? (no w3) w3 must shar3 th3 w3ight. p3opl3 hav3 stol3n from w3. th3y’v3 li3d on w3. som3 hav3 3v3n stood right b3sid3 w3 and d3c3iv3d w3. as w3 hav3 to th3m. our trust was shak3n. nobody r3ally want3d us to mak3 it. but this mirror ain’t dirty. nah, th3 light of r3fl3ction ain’t fak3. w3’r3 only s33ing a strong3r r3alization to rak3. it’s bigg3r than ‘m3’ and this is th3 anniv3rsary of our own. our tim3. our r3fl3ction is hon3st and this tim3 – w3’r3 not cl3aning th3 mirror. it’s tim3 w3 c3l3brat3 our scars. for what it’s worth. all of what w3 ar3 is an indication of what cam3 b3for3 m3, my g3n3tics hav3 outlin3d som3 of these lin3s. still – it’s only m3 on this trip. 3v3rybody l3av3s th3 party in th3ir own tim3, but you’r3 still stuck with yours3lf.”
– anniv3rsary of our own

 

since we are all on this trip through life, why should i be tripping on your trip? TOMSON began to think. he would hear from BISHOP GRIN often at HOLY FIRE ON THE HILL “i’m on my way to heaven and i’m enjoying the trip!” some people are literally living according to a specific set of guidelines – just to make it into heaven. have you met people who restrict themselves from certain places because of the fear that may yield to various temptations? 

living a life of holiness means always being on your toes. Tomson began to understand the relationship between good and evil as being determined on a line which could not be flirted with. those that only want to do good – did so, because of the reward system which made him question their true intentions. 

TOMSON found it difficult to understand the purpose of doing good only because of the promise of heaven or good karma. he wanted to do good because it felt good and because it made his trip more enriching. if we are all in this together and we happen to have enough to share – it seemed obvious one would do so. he believed the world, would be a much better place if everyone all shared the wealth. often, we have enough to spare, even when having little we can still share to those who have less.

121420 WTMTOF CH9TOYT

our ancestors have drawn various symbols and art in gratitude to the nature around them. the sun. the river. the winds. various animals that provided a source of food for them. there’s an obvious connection to a source. this source may not be empirically visible, but reality is stranger than fiction, while illusion can be as real as verified science.

 

“if one can’t see how journeys are stepping stones to a better life, then what is left behind? a waste of time, where our lumpy shadows twined? an empty hall where you were forced to go through with no promise at the end? for our choices are written and it can’t be erased by the present pen! the painted walls are set to dry and the center stage lightning, is no longer frightening! “

TOMSON began to think that people who talked to G-D seemed faithful in their communication through prayer and supplication. as for those, who G-D apparently spoke to directly? Well?! : did they hear from G-D or was that just them and their mind? such an exchange displaced through a one way line!

*animals can also enter the university as a ‘Don‘_Key, speaking through numbers of old covenants*. indeed, humans and any living thing can also become instruments in which THE DIVINE flows through. this paradoxical stream and representation, thrilled TOMSON enough to finally seek the remedy to such a daunting equation, which had most perplexed him about his faith which by now, RaN2 his FATE: IS GOD DONKEYKONG?!

WEIGH THE MINUTE! TYPO OR FATE? (CH. 8: THE BIBLE BELT)

*This is a 10 chapter endeavor that will be completed on December 21, 2020. The remaining 2 chapters will resume respectively as follows : 
12.14.2020 // 12.21.2020 //

“don’t you hate it when your pants sag to the ground?!” when you’re constantly having to pull them up because they’re not quite fit around your waist? i suppose if you lost a little weight, it’s a surprise the first time around but it’s only a matter of time, before you’d need a belt!

pulling up the extra slack so that like your shoes – they’d be tied down onto you. if you’re walking around with pants that are too large for you, a belt is a necessary accessory. the belt ensures proper walking and comfort knowing you won’t be caught with your pants down. no one likes to be caught with their pants down or maybe you want everyone to know your favorite colored underwear with the penguins and strawberries. heaven forbid, anyone peeks at your preference of an array of arenas to display?!

if your pants are bigger around your waist, a belt fixes the doubt away. however, if you wore the near exact measurement for your pants – the need of a belt is not essential. TOMSON thought of this connection in relation to the bible belt in the South where he was born. what would happen if you took the belt off from Southern USA? no doubt the trousers would fall faster than a small speck that causes avalanches.

another question arises, why are some places wearing overly large trousers to begin with? could they be trying to cover up all that hides inside? wouldn’t they know when it’s time to protect their trousers from falling?

there’s lot of reasons for this but to save time and spare of you of a complicated history between the South, war narratives, statues, slavery, and mind control via the state – the easiest answer would have to be the comfort that traditions provide for people. TOMSON began to understand that, TRADITIONAL RELIGIOUS SENTIMENT for a lot folks is the belt which holds their pants up. it may not be the most stylistic belt, but it has an individual whole (reason) for the entire length of its build. so even if you grow out it, you can still come back to it and find a space.

the south has a charm about it unlike anywhere else In America (Where there’s no way in or no way out)’, TOMSON began to see. the sentiment behind “southern hospitality” comes to mind. the friendliness and warmness that can be experienced by a simple hello down the street or the warm offer of cold lemonade and tea to a stranger. (never without shade!)

people in the south tend to abide by normatives that are rarely challenged. TOMSON never ever really thought about going to church so regularly because that’s just the way it is OVER THERE. no one is sparred from gossip and the talk of “i heard” in fact you get so use to it, when someone is not talking smack you wonder what they’ll say about you, when you leave their presence to talk with someone else. that’s just the way it goes. people run their mouths especially in smaller towns like in SHREVEPORT.

the SOUTHERN BIBLE BELT holds together various traditions and practices and there is integrity found in some of these ways of life. for as much as there is southern hospitality, there’s also ‘southern stupidity’ and the stupidity in the south is usually reflected in a naivety of approach, most of which is not in service to the productivity of thought.

120720 WTMTOFCH8 TBB

there are various reasons one can point to where OBLIVION arises from, but one remaining fragrance which steadily lingers is RESISTANCE TO PROGRESS . the more you advance in the awakening of knowledge, there will be various rebukes to progress. it’s not E-Z to deal with the heaviness of rebuttal. a proper rebuke sends a tingling down your heart. TOMSON remembers most feeling it powerfully as a child, but this sensation remains present day. trying to listen to this rebuke anytime it shows up because naturally, it’s there to somehow teach YOU a lesson.*** “notwithstanding, not all rebukes are for the better, especially if you’re WHOPPED 3 TIMES AND NEARLY KILLED for following orders!”***

a rebuke of progress is one that is instilled from a place of indoctrinated belief. it tells you to not spread “THAT MESSAGE” because you can mislead the children. it tells you that the propaganda is a tool of manipulation. what they don’t ALSO tell you, is that propaganda can also be used for the benefit of education. much of what we have learned from society stems from a system of propaganda. if you want to present a RaDiCaL idea, you must package it in subliminal packaging. that way people won’t be able to tell (at least not directly) that you are giving them something KNEW.

if you are used to living a certain way for years, you tend to scoff at the possibility that another way of life can conquer this one. (but there are lives to come!)

the purpose of a tailor is to make sure you’re fitted and good to go. communicate honestly, for if there’s any one PERSON deserving of small talk – your tailor is a good bet, OBVIOUSLY. the more clearly you represent what you want // the more likely you’ll find what you intend for. what’s the point in lying about your size or pinching details before you’re meeting your tailor?

as Hollywood and revisionist history would have it, it’s very commonplace for the masses of the people to ignore the thousands of years of injustice. nothing is clearer to this sentiment than the all too present but antediluvian proclamation : “wEaReLiViNgInThElAsTdAzE!!!.”

TOMSON never understood this PHRASE for the “tHeLaStDaZE” as he understood it – have been the reason folks PRAISE. feeling closer and closer to a celebratory occasion in the sky! tHeLaStDaZE is all simply the mAZe!

TOMSON began to witness a recurring anniversary except, it only began on his own and thus and everyone celebrated this anniversary on their own. everybody was listening to various TiPs for their HiPs , he being even more determined to not TRIP – for that would qualify a DIP into a SeAsON that can’t account for any ReAsON. other than to judge and SpOiL, the grapes given to a life of peril and tOiL….

WEIGH THE MINUTE! TYPO OR FATE? (CH. 6: CONGREGATIONAL SONG? ALL TOGETHER NOW!)

*This is a 10 chapter endeavor that will be completed on December 21, 2020. The remaining 4 chapters will resume respectively as follows : 


11.21.2020 //

12.7.2020 // 12.14.2020 // 12.21.2020 //*

 

 

“sing along to my tun3!
follow my l3ad!
take caution, l3st you wander off to a m3lody that’s not min3!
hold onto the not3 that i’ll giv3 you :
that’s right!
carry along…
harmoniz3…
stay in the sam3 k3y!
don’t st33r too far!!
i can help you when you’r3 lost!!!
th3s3 l3ssons ar3 only for thos3 willing to stick to th3 not3s!!!!!!
you only g3t this shot and this opportunity isn’t bas3d on luck!
pr3par3 to b3 r3buk3d, when you r3vok3 my instruction !
i’m s3rious about this!
you can’t b3 joking around with your actions!
THIS IS ALL THAT MATT3RS – not your promis3!
how far ar3 you going to go?
D3P3NDS 3NTIR3LY ON MY MOTION!
trav3l light!
& pack with int3ntion!
but you must follow through – on my command!
W3IGHT THE MINUT3!
not too fast !
you ar3n’t following m3 anymor3 –
you’r3 off the lin3!
S33!!!
this is what happ3ns wh3n you don’t AGR33!
you hav3n’t r3ach3d the point of rhym3!
disdain! ord3r – i say! 3h, what3v3r – mak3 your own nois3?!
this c3rtainly has nothing to do with m3 anymor3!?mayb3 that’s how you lik3 it?!!?
– SiNgAlOnG2m3!!!

 

the truth of reconciliation is not always fun, especially when you’re very well versed in damaging behavior. it can be like ink on your hands not easily capable of being washed away with regular soap and water. it always takes more than what we’re willing to put in. sometimes you got to put some elbow grease with it!

 

“lEfT to write ! right to READ! brush to break a part the fat & GREED! UP & DOWN, side to sLiDe – foam through the mix and gLiDe!

take a lease on the GrEaSe – and work to ReLeAsE with no will to ever CeAsE – sauce your elbows and keep the pEaCe !”

GRANNY LIGHT would often tell TOMSON when making pancakes and fish – “You can’t be cute with the flip,.” Which was another way of saying – just get to the bottom of the surface and turn it over.

she wanted TOMSON to be cute with how he laid, the fish down. after seasoning the fish and making sure, the castor oil was hot before putting it in to fry – you needn’t worry about being burned. TOMSON knew the burn would sure nuff come, if he just threw the fish in the skillet as if he were afraid. GRANNY LIGHT, taught him how to lay it down cute. this soon became a lesson in TOMSON’S life, if he were ever going to turn over heads in the church by viewing the world differently, he had to be wild about it or at least cute with it.

TOMSON became quite aware that most of his traditional leanings were having less and less of an effect on himself, but this did not deter him from going back to his hometown in Shreveport, for summer. TOMSON never really liked Albuquerque, mainly because he was mainly missing his friends and the atmosphere of HOLY FIRE ON THE HILL!

While he didn’t agree with most of what they taught back at HOLY FIRE ON THE HILL, he learned how to eat the fish and spit out the bones. they preached a lot about hell and fiery damnation to all of those who did not get right with G-D. He became more and more annoyed at this message because he heard it more than hearing about the love and grace of G-D. in a heated argument with one of his best friends. he was told how Albuquerque was changing him into a more secular form of himself.

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TOMSON never understood why his friend and so many others were so persistent with such an uninviting message about damnation and ‘LIVING HOLY’. It seemed the ONLY people who found that kind of scare tactic message to be of service, were those who were familiar with that kind of cut dry teaching to begin with. the way TOMSON saw it : that message certainly did not increase the membership of HOLY FIRE ON THE HILL, in fact it seemed more people left the church than joined after Hurricane RAYKWAN. when Tomson remarked this to his friend, he said that “the way of holiness is narrow and that while many were called BUT only a few were chosen.”

nonetheless, TOMSON still loved the energy of HOLY FIRE ON THE HILL and some familiar faces we’re happy to see him. TOMSON was getting even more confused by the amount of contradictions that were fully justified at the expense of traditional reliance. people there did not seem to be as confused as he was because they seemed to have more answers for questions. in fact, ‘confusion’ was often frowned upon whenever one admitted to its presence.

 

“For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints.” (1 Corinthians 14:33)

TOMSON always heard THIS as a response to any confrontation with confusion. he found it as one of the biggest paradoxes Confusion and Peace seemed to inhabit the same space on more than one occasion. certainly a hurricane and sudden change of pace – would cause some initial confusion, “for the story has yet to be told.” Tomson began to see that both OVERFLOWING RIVERS AND HOLY FIRE ON THE HILL – though they contrast, in some key ways, they simultaneously maintained a business minded structure. 

one in which by pressure, then OBLIGATED them *by doctrinal infallibility* to participate in giving and to do so with JOY ! but at what expense? TOMSON thought! the numb3rs in the bible appeared to reveal themselves in moving form in TOMSON’S life, except only now by specific percentages.

while the fear of hell began to dissolve in the evolution of TOMSON’S growth – another dichotomy of “give and receive” arose. TOMSON remembered eventually giving MOTHER VIRGINA the combination meal he ordered for himself and was told afterward ” G-D is gonna pour you out a blessing, that you won’t have room enough to receive!” while TOMSON smiled at mere poetry of this notion, it was exactly the type of obligation that both OVERFLOWING RIVERS AND HOLY FIRE ON THE HILL justified at various lengths if one would not ONLY give cheerfully but also RESPONSIBLY.

TOMSON AND RAPTUS began the quest of uncovering UNM3RIT3D FAVOR which expanded them beyond the confines of any legalistic appeal of “The CHURCH” and as such – they made it their S3ARCH, to break *and to help other’s break* completely free from any obligation which was tied to a baseless tithe. as it turns out, you could rob G-D – even when under a kN3W COV3NANT.

WEIGH THE MINUTE! TYPO OR FATE? (CH. 5 : TRANSITION OF TRADITION)

*This is a 10 chapter endeavor that will be completed on December 21, 2020. The remaining 5 chapters will resume respectively as follows : 


11.14.2020 // 11.21.2020 //

12.7.2020 // 12.14.2020 // 12.21.2020 //*

When Tomson’s family moved to Albuquerque, everything seemed to naturally change. His family found a new church home called “OVERFLOWING RIVERS” and with a new church meant different ways of how he understood faith. It started with the doctrine known as Eternal Security. A doctrine that claims once you’re SAVED, you’re ALWAYS saved (OSAS).

This stood in stark contrast to HOLY FIRE ON THE HILL which emphasized one could loose their salvation – if not committed to works made to maintain a holy life. 

He was most drawn to OSAS because of his fascination with time and the idea of eternity and most importantly, eternal love that could not be disturbed. Tomson often thought : “If G-D loved me, would this last forever or was forever contingent, based on how good he performed in his everyday life?”

It made sense to Tomson that once receiving a gift of salvation, he’d always have this gift for life. It couldn’t be forged by personal behavior, in fact why would you even want to live a life of sin, after experiencing the best gift known? That was until Tomson came across Hebrews 6:4-6 : 

“For it is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted the heavenly gift, and have become partakers of the Holy Spirit, and have tasted the good word of God and the powers of the age to come, if they fall away, to renew them again to repentance, since they crucify again for themselves the Son of God, and put Him to an open shame.”

This was the scripture his Father used a leverage to the idea one can lose their salvation. At first glance, it made perfect sense. One could eat from the delights of enlightenment and then fall away. He debated this to his father faithfully “But it’s not true! He’d claim.” The bible also says in 1 John 2:19 “They went out from us, but they did not really belong to us. For if they had belonged to us, they would have remained with us; but their going showed that none of them belonged to us.” Tomson kept wrestling scripture with his Dad and peers for what felt like a very long time. he could not understand how people could read the same bible and take completely different meanings from the chapters and verses.

*”I heard somebody say: DiFfReNt LeNs, dIfFeRenT pEns!”*

This only encouraged Tomson to rebel even further. Why would he let anyone convince him otherwise? especially, when these mountains of clay could quickly be turned into a rock, castle, or a lumpy hassle! OVERFLOWING RIVERS was a vastly different experience from HOLY FIRE ON THE HILL. For starters, they did not seem so hung up on the Traditions Tomson knew to be common.

At HOLY FIRE ON THE HILL – Women were encouraged to wear dresses and never trousers/pants *if she did have pants on, judgement was quickly disposed to her*. She better not have any red or colored lipstick or fingernail polish either. At OVERFLOWING RIVERS in Albuquerque – these rules seemed to go out the pulpit. The people dressed as they liked and seemed to not care about how others perceived them, for their relationship with G-D was more important than the traditional customs others were accustomed to. 

The pastor was very vibrant and had a scream so loud, you’d think he could part the red sea with it. He always claimed, “God gave Moses his rod and he gave me my SCREAM!” The strength of his voice was reasoned with his ability to also teach in such a calm manner. As much as Tomson loved seeing people dance and shout to the music, he loved even more the teachings of the bible in a clear but humors dictation which fancied Pastor’s SCREAMER style of preaching.

FLASHBACK: 

While Tomson’s Family was always a religious family that went to church as often as three times a week in SHREVEPORT, much of that changed in Albuquerque. Just before Hurricane RAYKWAN struck, The local pastor and Bishop of their jurisdiction died suddenly at the start of the year. It was a huge blow for HOLY FIRE ON THE HILL.

Bishop and Pastor GRIN was a very charismatic and Holiness preacher who had very clear beliefs surrounding the way of holiness, but Tomson remembers him as a man with one of the biggest grins you could witness. Maybe that’s why his family tree gave him his ‘Grin’. His wife had one of the most tender voices that warmed you just by hearing her. Thus, his passing started a series of revivals which remained up until Hurricane RAYKWAN hit in August.

Tomson’s father was an Elder in the church who would sometimes preach whenever he was called upon. When Bishop GRIN died, his father was crushed and very distraught after his passing. It being one of the first and only times – Tomson remembers seeing tears in his fathers eyes. When moving to Albuquerque, his father made a clear declaration that he would never join another church again but start his own. It didn’t help that when the family decided to attend OVERFLOWING RIVERS for the first time : there was a woman sitting in the pulpit. Tomson remembers his father whispering to his Mum, that this was the last time he’d ever attend OVERFLOWING RIVERS.

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Thinking about that day really astounded Tomson, to realize his father was sat THAT far back in his ways. His dad studied the bible consistently. Tomson would nickname him “YELLOW JOURN” because he’d always read through the yellow legal pad notes alongside with his bible AND Tomson reckoned his bible was heavier than usual, because it was weighted down with all of the yellow highlighters. YELLOW JOURN always had his HUGE black bible with scattered notes and highlighters on a desk and would read constantly. He was a walking bible that could quote a scripture directly from memory, if someone had said something that reminded him of the scripture. *Strictly KING JAMES* – he stayed armed and ready to defend what he believed and could show you where to find it IN THE TEXT!

Shortly, after moving to Albuquerque – YELLOW JOURN went about the business of being a pastor. He’d rent plaza spaces in the local city and started to hand out programs in the streets. Tomson’s mother, 2 sisters, and brother RAPTUS, would join him for a few Sundays until eventually his sisters stopped going completely. His sisters were much older than TOMSON AND RAPTUS and as such, lived their own lives quite quickly especially as Sunday were concerned.

Tomson preferred going to OVERFLOWING RIVERS rather than his father’s church because it was something new and there was a huge choir with a great organ player. Which meant more dancing and a good feeling! At his Father’s Church : THE WORD TEMPLE there was no organ player or choir – mostly just his mother and brother save a few other guests from time to time.

this was a time : wherein Tomson also was hearing conflicting bible approaches. YELLOW JOURN being the strict holiness or hell preacher found the influence of Pastor SCREAMER, incredibly heretic. “You shouldn’t let them go to that church, they are preaching all kinds of things that doesn’t align to how we were taught” YELLOW JOURN would say to his wife MISSIONARY ‘LIVION *** Lo and behold – Tomson’s grandmother GRANNY LIGHT was the one who eased the peace as she preferred going to OVERFLOWING RIVERS. 

She loved the community of people there and how they showed a lot of grace after knowing the family were victims of Hurricane RAYKWAN. GRANNY LIGHT wasn’t too keen in joining THE WORD TEMPLE – which was only recently just starting out in a hotel lobby at the time. She wanted to go somewhere where people knew her, and she made friends quickly.

It became a fixed order of meet and greet for Tomson and his brother RAPTUS. both of them waking up at 8:00 AM on Sundays for their father’s Sunday Service at 9:00 only then to leave right around 11:30 to pick up their GRANNY LIGHT and take her to OVERFLOWING RIVERS just in time for Mid-Day service at 12:00 PM. This became quite the routine, but Tomson was happy for it to suspend because he and RAPTUS – really started to challenge what their Father was preaching. It frustrated Tomson that his approach to the bible was so black and white despite the many highlighters which made him YELLOW

They stood up to him both, about the delivery of his message. They thought he was too tough and he very rarely preached the love of G-D. Being very tired of hearing about hell, fire and brimstone. They wanted to know about the gifts of the spirit that bred love and compassion. But YELLOW JOURN didn’t like them constantly challenging him and eventually told them they didn’t have to come to his church if they didn’t want to. 

Much of his delight and theirs, they would just wait until 12:00PM to go and pick up GRANNY LIGHT and head over to OVERFLOWING RIVERS. Everything was changing and Tomson was becoming more aware about the present urges in his body and mind. However, he was wrestling with fear like never before. He’ll never forget the one moment as a child that jumpstarted the fears he had about going to hell, which happened only a year before.

After one Sunday School at FIRE ON THE HILL there was often food you could purchase at the back of the church. They served burgers, fries, and cold drinks! Tomson always looked forward for Sunday School to be over, so he could eat a great lunch. He’d walk over to GRANNY LIGHT and asked her for 2.50$ so he could get a combination meal. GRANNY LIGHT always seemed to feel quite generous as she gave Tomson a 2-dollar bill and two quarters. 

Tomson walked over to the counter and ordered his food. After calling his name to pick up the order, MOTHER VIRGINIA noticed him and asked Tomson if he could buy HER a burger and fries. *THIS WAS SURELY A TEST OF HIS FAITH!!!* Tomson reluctantly, told her he only had enough for himself. MOTHER VIRGINIA then proceeded to tell him : “That G-D loves a cheerful giver and if he were not happy to give – he might land into HELL with gasoline underwear!!!” Tomson began to visualize this picture in his mind and it was THAT G-D which seemed to always be angry. 

Tomson not long after this moment, wanted nothing more than to be informed and taught all of what he should do to please G-D. Therefore, he studied different doctrines and statements of faith – trying to understand the intention behind such convictions. He followed his father’s YELLOW JOURN footsteps and started to write down notecards of bible verses and studied doctrines and differences heavily. So much in fact, that he started getting a mild reputation for being a preacher around his school in Albuquerque. 

Tomson held a passionate EISEGESIS approach // which is one that leads INTO the text whatever you wish to make out of it. This seemed to be largely everyone’s approach to stories anyway. One that imagines and creates whatever the MINISTER wants to bring out of it. It wasn’t until they moved to Albuquerque – until Tomson understood the opposite of EISEGESIS – EXEGESIS, a method which leads OUT OF the text. 

Tomson had a greater understanding of how easily one can be misled by whatever the SINISTER decides to spin on scripture. He loved going to bible studies on Wednesday because Pastor SCREAMER became TEACHER WHISPER as well and would just talk to the congregation about various topics. Often challenging ideas which were commonly believed at FIRE ON THE HILL. (Could it be that the OVERFLOWING RIVERS DROWNED OUT THE FIRE ON THE HILL INSIDE?) 

Tomson began to realize his traditions were transitory – as such his voice was a part of a much greater congregation! A song was soon encouraged to be sang, but this time? in unison!

WEIGH THE MINUTE! TYPO OR FATE? (CH.4 : TELL HIM YES)

*This is a 10 chapter endeavor that will be completed on December 21, 2020. The remaining 6 chapters will resume respectively as follows : 


11.7.2020 // 11.14.2020 // 11.21.2020 //

12.7.2020 // 12.14.2020 // 12.21.2020 //*

Tomson’s life looks completely different now than it did when he was a child growing up in Shreveport, Louisiana. (No surprise there!) Tomson came from a family of five, being the youngest – he grasped the world around him very easily. 

He was in for a journey about thrills and fills – If you follow along with this brief account, you’ll certainly be in for one too! He remembered a lot from his childhood but undeniably what sticks out the most is the repetition of events. Tomson and his family went to church so frequently, if he were to miss it for a day it felt very strange. SUNDAY TUESDAY WEDNESDAY FRIDAY – This was not any kind of church but a church where miracles were demonstrated in unexplainable phenomena. 

Tomson belonged to a pentecostal and holiness church, wherein the members believed in the gifts of the Holy Spirit. From making the blind see, the deaf to hear, and speaking in unknown tongues. They’d wait before the altar for hours just for the glory of The Lord to enter the room and fill everyone all up. The colors of the organ were as bright as the voices that cried from the congregation begging everyone in the building to “TELL HIM YES”. 

When the anointing would come into the church – anything could happen from scribbles on the floor to foaming at the mouth. As far as Tomson knew, the anointing was the power that could make someone break out into a dance, cry, or even run around the church as if they were running a marathon. Some consider it “getting happy for the Lord”. It was always an unexpected series of hysteria, but it felt good as far as Tomson knew. It was almost like a drug that could intoxicate and induce hallucinations of visions and dreams. All you needed to do was tune into the vibration of the people around.  

What seemed to be the goal was to be baptized with the Holy Ghost, which was a sacred and expected gift to desire after you were saved. If you committed your life to Jesus – why not want the gift of the Holy Spirit? It was free and given to all of those who asked for it. At Tomon’s Church ” HOLY FIRE ON THE HILL ” they believed that waiting for the power to endow you was worth the sweat and big breasted women yelling in your face to ‘*TELL HIM YES: Say Yes! Yes! Yes!” *

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At no point did it cross Tomson’s mind that ‘NO’ could even be an option* (also why would one say no to something that made you joyful?) he remembered being in front of the altar in tears because he felt a rhythm in his body that he could not explain. Church for him, was more than the shouting, singing, communion, and then hearing The Word. The word that was sharper than any two-edged sword meant to divide the wrong and right in his life. This word would enter his psyche deep and early and became the dance floor where all his soul was expressed and revealed.

For all of the dancing and shouting, HOLY FIRE ON THE HILL was still incredibly focused on proper memorization of doctrine and scripture. The Statement of Faith, The B-Attitudes, The 10 Commandments, were all expected to be fully memorized and repeated upon request from the leading missionaries and Elders. Tomson never had any problem remembering them *even at the tender age at 12*, though he did not understand the fullness of what they meant.

The preachers and teachers made sure the church knew that everything in life had a foundation and reason behind them. Simply put: It was either holiness or hell the way they saw it. Thereby, you had to be willing to separate yourself from everybody else – cuz you ain’t like nobody else! YOU ARE THE HOLY FIRE ON THE HILL AFTERALL! You BETTER get right or you’re going to get LEFT when the Rapture comes! While, Tomson loved the idea of the rapture, he was also very astounded by such capture. It was written in such poetic pose : “In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed.” 

Tomson liked to imagine the dead rising out of their tombstones like zombies. people would eventually realize why his family always danced and went to church four times a week! it would not prove them in vain! Tomson strived like so many others in his church to be Holy. he always heard : “BE HOLY FOR I AM HOLY”. He had to make sure he was READY for when the rapture was to occur which could be at any time. 

Without a warning, like a thief in the night. It could happen while sneaking into the living room to watch BET Uncut or when he was surfing the internet about things that turned him on. Tomson was scared and thrilled at the idea that we could all be caught up in the rapture. After all, the rapture is ‘The Blessed Hope’ this is what all true believers wanted to happen. it would finally be A day of justice. The Day of Reckoning.

A time where everyone would be separated. The sheep from the goats. His understanding of right and wrong became very polarizing. He just knew always in the back of his mind and deep in his heart : there was an expectation set for him. He was told by a prophet once, that he had a mission to complete. And he believed that mission would save him, giving him all of the necessary determination to reach his destiny.

Tomson had a purpose at an early age after becoming saved at 12 years old, he felt driven inside. Tomson felt he was saved because he remembered crying, after feeling a sensation come over him upon memories of light. He felt in his heart of hearts that he really meant YES AND JESUS WAS LORD. of course not knowing, why – he was crying or why eventually saying YES to this Lord– he still believed, better than to say yes than no, after all he did not want to go to hell.

Although, the idea of hell never made much sense to Tomson. Everyone at HOLY FIRE ON THE HILL made a big deal about how it was so nice to see a young boy receive Jesus at such an early age. Tomson was not alone, his brother RAPTUS and some close friends at FIRE ON THE HILL we’re on the same road to holiness. They all shared similar experiences. Crying before the alter and telling him ‘YES’. They knew how it felt to be anointed and the power that went in our veins making us dance and speak in unknown languages. They were the victims of rigorous revivals that reminded them of the importance of staying faithful in a world filled with temptation. 

Speaking of temptation, Tomson noticed his flesh was changing. It started at 11, and at the dawn of adolescence and while it’s proclaimed, “The flesh is weak, but the spirit is willing”. *His flesh felt anything but weak only just as *IF NOT STRONGER THAN HIS SPIRIT*. He was too young to navigate the extremity of what these feelings were about and too old and stubborn to do something against them. Eventually he would soon find the answer…

He just knew a lot was changing and he had to respond to those changes with something stronger than just saying YES to whatever they were telling him to say yes to. Why was HE saying ‘Yes’ this whole time? Would it have been better for him to say no? 

Some would say, Tomson was young and naïve to believe all this information without the will to question it. One reason he said Yes was due to the urgency of the leaders around him. He figured they meant well (they always had peppermints and candy after service). But the more he waited before the altar something was happening. He started to feel bumps on his skin. Tomson knew the ‘anointing’ had not only come into the room but onto him. He didn’t realize what he had tapped into. The more he explored the ‘YES’ he realized some of what he was saying yes to : deserved a solid NO.

Before he set out to explore on these intense changes, life offered its own natural change in the form of one of the most disastrous hurricanes no one expected, Hurricane RAYKWAN which hit that later that summer. Tomson’s family evacuated to various places until they settled in Albuquerque, New Mexico. At the heels of all these changes, his ideas surrounding what he believed had a significant change. Thoughts change upon new information and since processing new information at such a rapid speed – something had to be done with the various bites of knowledge he had encumbered. The rapture indeed came in a form of transition which bled what Tomson understood as traditional…

WEIGH THE MINUTE! TYPO OR FATE? (CH.2 : DIFFERENT LENS, DIFFERENT PENS)

*This is a 10 chapter endeavor that will be completed on December 21, 2020. The remaining 8 chapters will resume respectively as follows:

10.14.2020 // 10.21.2020 //

11.7.2020 // 11.14.2020 // 11.21.2020 //

12.7.2020 // 12.14.2020 // 12.21.2020 //*

where do homeless people get their sharpies? i reckon the cardboard and boxes are easy to find from dumpsters and surrounding trash on the streets, but sharpies are not as common as a pen. i asked someone on hope postponed avenue and they wondered the same sentiment. telling me, they’d usually just borrow the sharpies another homeless person had. sometimes asking strangers coming into stores to buy for them. one story they shared with me was being on a Walgreens corner and asking a stranger walking into the store for a pack of sharpies. to their surprise She came back with sharpies, cardboard, scissors, sticky notes, paper clips, staplers and glue. after receiving the bag of goods, they replied to the customer “damn, i ain’t in an art and crafts class! i’m just trying to create a billboard for some snacks and cigarettes but thank you anyway – i may find this useful!” i’m not sure if they meant it as some cruel joke or what – bringing them all those materials, but i’ll never forget that story! you can use any of those tools to help provide a path for access.

transformations are never as cut dry as the media would have you believe. it takes time, and this isn’t a blink like we are led to conclude. this idea that transformation is instant like oatmeal is misleading and distorting the true chain of alchemy. it takes time and several series of transformations. one can not always prepare for the swift and sudden appearances of change.

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meeting new people is probably one of the easiest ways to calculate how swiftly their impact on your life changes you. what was it like when you first met your best friend? or your loved ones? you usually remember how your life was like before they came into it and how it changed after their appearance. people have an amazing ability to influence and even at times – shift your behavior for the better or for the worst. 

there is a common phrase i grew up hearing. “evil company corrupts good morals” which was another way of saying that good people who hang out with evil people can corrupt their behavior. “come out from among them and be separate, says the lord and i’ll receive you!” (2 corinthians 6:17) there’s a slight justification in this comparison but it requires a bit more understanding as to not be accepted at face value. for one, hanging out with someone who writes differently from you or speaks differently doesn’t equate to corruption. it’s one thing hanging out with someone who has similar interests and a common foundation. for instance, it could be very hard to be friends with someone who speaks a different language than you or has different cultural norms. unless the both of you are willing to learn how to communicate and understand why one has a different approach.

new insight springs different ways of thinking about things you probably wouldn’t be able to conjure up on your own. different lens, different pens. while this much seems obvious, it’s often forgotten through our interactions with people and the host of stories they carry with them. i would always hear while growing up in the church “don’t judge nobody because you never know what they’re going through” yet there was judgement for people who did things they believed were sinful. 

it’s true we don’t know what someone is going through or what they went through which led them to that point. we’re all like animals in Noah’s ark pretending our shit doesn’t stink like the one next to us. people come with a host of ideas engineered by complex functions that most of us will never uncover completely.

it’s very typical of humans; to make judgements on our interactions with strangers (or even friends) but it’s another game completely, to vocalize our misunderstandings in a way that exempts us from the same rules of judgement. 

people just want to make sense, we often neglect that work it takes to get to understanding. it takes work to be a scientist, but you don’t have to study the stars from a telescope to understand their light and distance. most people really want to get to the bottom of what you are saying. the top may be hard to get, but the foundation *while invisible to most eyes*, still deserve investigative research. the less you say? the better!

people don’t always expect performance but your behavior is what tells people the destination of your words.which is why we must perform! the unexpected wallowing wow is what guarantees the right now. live in it. breathe in it. listen to the moment, when the moment is yours. you are always going to be thinking in your mind. people will also take what they want to take from what you say.

to some degree, we all have selective hearing – hearing what we want to hear or at least what we wish to deal with. *using our utensils ever so gently cutting away the regenerative necessity  while savoring the fat.* those bits and pieces do make sense to the story in our head if even for a moment. when getting to the truth – we got to get through the lines.

the lines AIN’T ALWAYS EASY to uNdErStAnD which is why we *LIKE Jesus did* swirl with our fingers in the SaNd. while seemingly ignoring the accusers but actively writing N2 the gRoUnD. it appears as if there was no volume or SoUnD. EvEnTuAlLy n’ EsSeNtIaLlY – you arrive at the point where you dialectically challenge the ScReAMeR & that is not even the w0rSt : they will STILL command you to water their ThRiSt! we needn’t bow down in dIsTaStE regarding what others perceive as WaStE! if somebody got something to SaY? welcome them to your gallery, without dElAy! we all have all kinds of cool shit on our walls and CeIlING. enough to make them find aw3, introspection and even hEaLiNg! if they want to know the context behind the colors you choose to DiSpLaY alongside with the shapes that you decide to geometrically oUtWeIgH? if they are ever so curious, about your choice of FrAmInG and where the goal post to your composition is aImInG? may you spread down the red carpet of opportunity and when the cameras start flashing in their FaCE? sign their purchased copy of your embedded gRaCe! ! !

WEIGH THE MINUTE! TYPO OR FATE? (CH.1: OVER HERE? AIN’T OVER THERE!)

*This is a 10 chapter endeavor that will be completed on December 21, 2020. The remaining 9 chapters will resume respectively as follows:

10.7.2020 // 10.14.2020 // 10.21.2020 //

11.7.2020 // 11.14.2020 // 11.21.2020 //

12.7.2020 // 12.14.2020 // 12.21.2020 //

how does one weigh the minute? they live in the moment when the moment is theirs and this means measuring up, what you have in the moment and what you wish to do with it. when things move faster than our abilities to catch up it’s exclaimed: NOW WAIT A MINUTE! we are encouraged to take things slowly, otherwise you’re in the position to be ran over or you might be faced with the surprise spit mid sentence.

“iLlEgaL pArKeD cArs WiLl Be FiNe!”

:eVeRy TiMe yOu mAke a tYpo, tHe ErRoRiSts WIN:

yOu MaY SpElL a WaY BuT dOn’T fOrGeT tO wEiGh ThE MiNuTe!

typos aren’t always fun especially if they are sent to the wrong person. at the same time, typos can be very funny because the other person may be able to get what you were trying to say. some letters are not too far from each other while other times, the distance seems unreasonable. i find myself becoming like a detective trying to pick up the pieces and to connect them when they are scattered. 

Vanilla Paper Trails

technology doesn’t always get our words right. in fact, typos are about as natural to texting as using the wrong name for occupations and professions. considering how busy life can get, it’s very difficult to catch a mistake. which begs the question – was it a mistake or was it fate? 

some mistakes lead us to our destined fate. it doesn’t mean that fate was guided by a power beyond our control. somethings happen mindlessly without purpose to origin. someone can misconstrue what you meant long before you had time to correct what you said. once you write it down if not arrested by the urgency to proofread – it will come out exactly how it was written. 

sometimes we may have this advantage while other times we may find out too late. what can you do about a typo? maybe if we are to weigh our moments before we react or even make them – we’ll be in a better position to defend what we said. but where’s the fun in that? typos show us a glimpse of a world where absurdity takes the front seat. how fun is it to get what someone said, and it be made to mean something else? intent influxes with delivery….

the burning need to be right and to correct what was written is natural some of us. what do I stand to gain if i am right – i stand to gain more when i’m wrong for then i have a better understanding of what can be corrected. unless, my time is running out and i have only a little time to make it right. maybe if we are to take every moment and weigh it by the measures of our experiences – we can sit back and ask ourselves: “was this a typo or fate? and by fate, i mean a type of faith that believes it happened through the synchronicity para//el.

over here? : ain’t over there!

when you’re pointing in a direction and someone still gets it wrong – it’s only a matter of perspective. left and right are completely subjective terms that require context at the point in which you stand. over here ain’t over there. this is a reality we often forget.

“lEfT to write ! right to READ! brush to break a part the fat & GREED! UP & DOWN, side to sLiDe – foam through the mix and gLiDe!”

again, the allegory remains, if life is like one big highway; some of us ain’t going to the same places. 

if you’re on one corner but your mind is in another, you fell victim to distraction. there’s a reason for this because now more than ever, there is so much activity readily available to take your time and energy without much effort. you may be reading this page right now thinking about the food you could be eating or the song you hear in the background. all these things are calling your attention and if you focus enough for a short period of time, before you know it – you won’t even realize how entrapped you are by your own thoughts. you are not always aware of what causes sudden changes. until you study the decoys hidden right in front of your face!

COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS (BUTTONS!)

today i learned is National ‘Count Your Button Day!” it happens every 21st of October! i’ve long been fascinated with buttons as a form of accessory, design, and placement. the act of sewing a button down is very therapeutic for me. hence ‘button therapy’. it’s a symbol of accomplishment and story telling.

I ain’t counting all THEZE!

how many buttons are too many? some would argue / there’s never enough buttons! they’re people with jars and boxes – never ending stacks upon stacks of buttons from varying sizes and kinds. i could get lost (and have spent a lot time organizing and separating by color and kind.) it doesn’t end. i started to take all my buttons out and count them individually but not only is that incredibly daunting – I don’t want to make the time for that. who am I counting them for? do I send the number to the national button collection agency for a raffle for more buttons

all my 4’s are x’s (4 button holes)
all my 2’s are 1’s (2 button holes)

 

buttons are blessings, truly! they provide different ways of seeing color and direction. I wear enough buttons to make noise to my dryers. I come to make noise or at the very least a jingle and song. the louder the better! I been making dryer machines sing melodies since 2011. 😀 (it’s been 9 years since I started sewing buttons regulary)

growing up in my old church – there was a congregational song commonly sang *one that I still sing very often to myself* 

“COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS! NAME THEM ONE BY ONE! COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS SEE WHAT GOD HAS DONE! COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS! NAME THEM ONE BY ONE! WHY DON’T YOU JUST COUNT YOUR MANY BLESSINGS! SEE WHAT GOD HAS DONE?”

blessings, y’all! I love saying that! it’s a proper greeting! blessings! blessed be! we’re blessed and highly favored! blessed cuz we have seeds that can grow into multi-colored flowers