Cold – writing until the pen runs N2 paradise clarity! (by uniform & random means)

Cranberry Blues

“Whose ready to have glacier and stone cold water to travel down to your esophagus?!”

NOT ME.

Whenever you can finally drink a glass of water, think about how different it might taste if it was surrounded by ice. Ice cold water can be refreshing or it can be a rude reminder that sometimes, being too cold makes you an asshole. Ice in water also plays a significant role in disguising bad water. So, why not be room temperature or something that tastes refreshing or even something that’s lightly chilled?

In the same way – hot foods can be incredibly inconvenient when hungry. Picture it: You order food at a restaurant but you came to the restaurant extremely hungry. So you’re talking shit with your friend and learning about their day and you’re sharing yours – *but you can’t seem to stop thinking about what you ordered.* The fine expectation that there is also a dessert to be eaten. Until Bam! – Your food finally arrives but only flaming hot!

You want to eat it but you rather wait till its cooled down as to not burn your tongue. That’s when you remember: ice cold water doesn’t help any when you’re hungry, you still have to wait. So many people come to the same place you attended! To make matters more complicated – you ordered at happy hour!

You see; from the perspective of the shoe, you don’t know what it’s like stepping into all kinds of shit – with your bare feet. From the perspective of the hand, you don’t want to know what it’s like picking up what the shoe contacted. From the perspective of the glove – it’s worse than what anybody can conjure up!

All of this to say, lately, I had a bad case of Cranberry Blues!

I got a bad case of cranberry blues. It’s hot. It’s the kind of machine that makes one lust aimlessly. Don’t care who’s in my way – I got to unlock the satisfaction. I turned the key and the ignition is burning oil. I’m getting somewhere even though I’m near empty. My hands are shaking. I can’t keep the steering wheel center. I’m about to ready curve to the side of the road.

There’s a house down yonder with a sign that reads: “come”. I can’t be the only one thirsty when the invitation is plastered on the street signs. I walked in and noticed a jug of ice water sitting on the table. Just before I could pour me a glass, a lady in a blue dress asked me how I was paying? I told her:”usually water is free but I suppose this time, she could put it on my tab.” She inquired my name, address, and place of work – for she had never seen me come into the establishment before.

I told her never mind who I am, that she should trust – that an honest man always pays his debts. I turned back around to grab the glass but it nearly fell off the edge. I managed to catch it before it fell. She smiled at me and told me to wait there. Before I knew it she came back in a cranberry dress and now I got a bad case of cranberry blues!

Opaque

(If you rather listen instead of reading – CLICK HERE)

Opaque – not transmitting radiation, sound, heat, etc.

This disturbance of my peace steady lingers in my opaque heart. I am wishing to find a balanced memory. One that isn’t tainted by the lullabies of betrayal or bad news.

If there’s one thing we have an abundance of, is plastic! Bad News is like plastic. I don’t think we’re even aware of how well versed we are with the bad news cycle.

It’s not particularly beneficial long or short term if not met with balanced stories that service positivity.

I feel this even more so as a person of color. People of color are so well versed in trauma, that we’ve internalized the mere occurrence by heavily sharing it out of outrage.

We even urge others to make videos VIRAL of police brutality or some form of prejudice. While this may certainly bring necessary attention – if we only do this without proper balanced good news, none of it has the potential to serve us any good.

We justify this as to bring awareness to brutality which in many ways are important.

The key to solving this conundrum is knowing that you don’t have to tolerate the constant bad news cycle.

There’s just as much good news as bad news, it just tends to be dressed and packaged in the commonly disposable (plastic) reaction…“ aww how sweet” whereas devastating news or sad news is packaged as “conscious or necessary to know”.

If our collective good and productive contributions are rarely acknowledged at the expense of plastic, easily produced bad news – this rubric can’t be to our advantage.

What we should know but often forget is those bad things has been happening since the dawn of humanity. This doesn’t mean we can’t sympathize with those affected by trauma but that we should correlate it with the bigger picture. *things are much better now than before!*

We should also remember those good things are in abundance as well.

Remember the good things and do good things unexpectedly. Share good things even the ones that seem important.

Even the small good things, like you, had your favorite meal today or that you got a smile from someone who doesn’t typically smile. Good things don’t have a rubric of interest.

If sharing those good things are received by a simple – “aww how cool” or even the unconventional thumbs up! We can learn to appreciate that. The alternative often involves a non-productive response which can end up making you feel worst than before.

In light of this awareness, I am developing a new rule: If you’re gonna share bad news, meet it with something cool or even weird. Weird is better than bad. Cool is more informative than bad.

The bad news cycle isn’t always unnecessary but not always useful either.

Hindsight tends to laugh at our previous business.

Indeed we are often shady businessman – making deals impulsively not properly planning quarterly.

My prudential interest serves me because I was taught to consider my own values. Self-care is not just about pampering but taking care of fundamental needs.

I have come to bite the fruit of despair.

If seeing you there meant believing in our dream, I would not hesitate to go asleep.

Now I can’t be seen as truly wanting absolution.

From the morning complaints to the afternoon joke that turned sour.

The evening sun casts a gloomy indifference.

Who’s to say what it could mean?

We are locked in the chain of belittling attacks.

To be understood is our misfire.

We’ve stepped in the sulking cold, right when springtime arrived.

Never late but hardly in time for our lifestyles.

Will they ever mesh? Or could we ever be more than our aging flesh?

I thought that together with our growth would make time for all the rest.

But sometimes, shortcomings are aging truths that remain on the viral dial.

In my halls of shallow emotions, still, I write.

To be known for who I am and whom I will become without a fight.

We are all but a forgotten flower.

Purchased for the dining set table.

But we simply seem unable and that is why my opaque heart longs…for good news packaged in a reusable material.

Reclaiming: They Said

Writing a new thing or an old thing – just as long as the flame can keep me warm. The cold flickering of life’s surprises – are we ever safe from the impending frostbite? The danger that is trapped inside of a cage of our reactions. We can choose to engage – or simply turn the page, the text remains the same morning or night. When troubles come to visit you uninvited – I encourage you to invite it in. It may make you cry or what’s worst – really tear you up inside and create a dark black hole.

I promise it’ll be worth it. You might explore things that aren’t so bad to learn. Mellow in the confusion – bake your cake and share it with someone you love. The heat is on and will soon burn into nothing but smoke. Don’t regret your time – like they say “Reclaim it”. It’s just a couple of long weeks here on earth. Some are spent wisely while others are forgotten like last weeks meal. Remember how good it was then? How much you savored the seasonings paired perfectly with a flask of wine? It was delicious and so is the memory of it – but that’s all it is now.

A forgotten moment stored only by a fraction of your senses. It’s much more – like a light to your mind is a pathway to your desires. When all is said and done – why not run? There’ll be a time you won’t be able to. When you keep on living things just get out of place.

Joints become rusty, pain becomes more practiced. “Use what you got and spend what isn’t yours” that’s what they say. That’s what ends up happening anyway, we are on borrowed tools and land. Truth be told mostly stolen – justice can’t prevail until we acknowledge this. Life is a precious commodity to some but an interesting journey to some. Living and resting. “Take what you can but always remember to leave what no longer suits you.” That’s what they said.

They have said a lot and it doesn’t all have to be in vain or to fall on deaf ears. If we know what they said – then we can live off what it may mean for now. A lot of what is said is based off myths that were created to control behaviors. This isn’t to say we can’t function behind these myths and reach some higher ground. Before you reclaim it – keep in mind some of what has been said was at a different time. The importance of context mustn’t lose its meaning due to how edgy whatever you’re claiming may feel. For example: If you wanna reclaim a concept that has been used to manipulate others – that’s gonna come with various consequences. It’s always better to be aware of the timing of such reclaims!

At any rate: Reclaim what’s yours to use for the service to others. As Maxine says it honestly with no feelings or resolve. It ain’t about offending but knowing what you can do. People have been saying a lot of things since time immortal – why not take back on what was done and remix it to your liking? All the while being aware of origin.

WITH THIS FACE WHILE DOING IT.

Unhinged (Cool To Cold)

The experiences of life can leave you unhinged. Not quite connected to anything. Some may call this a coincidence. Appearances and shades of a purpose but just enough random thrown in the mix. Our lives may not all lead up to a grand soup – but we sure can appreciate each role of the spices involved.

A role to play. Which spices will cultivate the most expert flavor? Salt or paprika? Lime or lemon – they’re closely related but distinct enough in the difference of taste. Tomatoes are indeed fruits with a connecting ovary but you still wouldn’t want it in your fruit salad.

The makeup of nonsense is motivated by the drive of the absurd. Patterns are tokens to human existence. If you do this or if you do that. The language of scandalous absurdity excites my forward pen. I can write about anything because I’m willing to explore what’s unhinged.

Misery And Company At Your Buffet

I sat down right next to misery on the train towards The Highway of Empathy. Misery then told me, how much they loved my company for they had sensed my pain. Before I knew it – I began telling them what made me miserable. It’s fair to say we bonded quite quickly.

The phenomenon of trauma bonding is a bit more clever than I supposed. I left feeling as if I wasn’t the only one who had pains and bruises. I knew it was not only me who knew misery. When I finally arrived at Empathy Highway – I began to understand so many others experienced and felt similar to me. I quickly realize what we soon discover – I ain’t the only one in this bih!

“In the land of misery there lived a voice. A voice seeking to be heard by all of those whose woes were awakened by shared disgrace. Misery has a lot of company. Friends or enemies – it matters none to misery EVERYONE is invited to bond over the fire and ice. We are burned and then we are sent to Antartica.”

We are living in a time where misery is experienced at an intensified level.

With knowledge comes the awareness to put knowledge at exercise. It can’t stand to be stagnant – it must move in order for it to truly be alive. For what can be said about the familiar stroke of hardship? How are we to move on when our motivation is gone and when there’s no clear path to healing?

The conditions of life can be very hard even for the strongest of us. All we really have is each other and when your neighbor starts acting a fool, you got yourself. Even when you let yourself down, you’re still with YOU. Another chance to get it right. Remembering that even when it’s wrong you can appreciate the balance.

STILL, we can’t help but listen and share our woes. Whether with people, paper, art, or any amount of creation we can find to muster those silent woes. While we all share a relationship with life’s pain and triumphs – our pains are remembered with stronger conviction.

Misery is a friendly invitation extended to anyone who chooses to remember their miserable experiences. Somebody will find something to complain about. There’s always room for improvement and complaints remind us there are advancements that can be made. Just as long we keep it in the current motion.

Hindsight is more the 20/20 – it’s a dream we won’t remember all the details to.

We are like questions being drawn at the expense of searching for answers.

Sometimes all it takes is the right question to be found at the right time in your sorrow. I have learned to not be afraid of sorrows pull – for there’s a lot I have yet to process in my tears.

When the aches of life return and wish to retreat at a buffet with all sorts of past and present existential reminders – I’m gonna eat it one tribulation at a time. ( I may very well leave some entree’s because some things are too high in sugar and fat).

We don’t have to deal with all of the sorrows of the world at once. There’s a lot to eat and if you’re aren’t careful you can put way too much on your plate because you spend too much company with misery. Social Justice is important but if you’re gonna be a warrior – you have to always be prepared to fight.

That’s part of the problem, carrying swords, arrows, and armor. You won’t always be able to dodge those bullets and avoid the inevitable. The inevitable happens. Response or reaction? It’s all about your determination to resolve. If it’s all meant to be here or there.

Don’t let life hassle you into a thousand schemes of awakening. *Sleeping is sometimes some of the best natural medicine life can give you*. I’d encourage you to be aware of the many courses made available to you. Blow off your back the familiar retrograde set to keep you in flames. Every experience isn’t dealt with the same way – best if we stop pretending they are. Leave yourself to your own space where you can eat your grace at your pace.

Remember: You’re the one eating at the buffet. *Hopefully you’re eating more than the sweets!!!* You get to choose what you want and what’s yours. No matter who’s around you encouraging you to “EAT! EAT! IT’S GOOD!” It may not be good and to the company that suggests otherwise – remember it’s your buffet! You get to eat whatever you want. Your mouth, Your choice!