Tag Archives: Connection

RIGHTEOUS SCANDAL

the sigh that lent unspoken words, no one has ever heard. whispered prose which stirred sought to answer the blank space.

Featuring a scandal made righteous:

come here! You righteous scandal, I think you are a bit more to handle! 

But I’m willing to catch you, if you stand in the way of getting got. 

cuz’ you’re smoking hot _ I rather be denied than to not be given any chance. 

to imagine of our sweaty dance – it may be a proven “righteous scandal.”

a candle much too hot, that soon it’ll burning.

melting by the woe of learning.

how can’t eye see? what’s lit up right in front of me. 

I have no choice according to the inner doubting voice. 

but my eyes clothes with fashionable express, textures and buttons draped with incomparable dress. 

a feeling I can’t compare, as your colors endeavor to void the unfair. 

if given the opportunity , I’d renew my immunity

to refrain from the masquerade in order for a fair trade N2 a memorial street, even with callused feet – I’ll greet your direction to a formulated and poetic perfection. (even if it meant potential rejection!)

your bounce is far to like jelly. it’s making me realize why eye turn off the telly.

choosing to instead read what lies in between.

as nuance reveals what all of it may mean…

like a multi-colored photo book, my mind is far too curious to NOT look.

those succulent thighs, make me yawn thirst trapping sighs.

natural to my instinct , I can’t help but think into a deep fantasy. 

basically? my testimony is a desired ceremony in a transitional rhapsody !

featuring both you and I congregated together in full supply…

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WTM! TOF?

“Those that have an Ear, let them Hear!”

i find it curious, that when folks check in on you, they continue with wonder: “how have you been? what have you been up too? long time no talk too, what’s been happening?” however, those same people can’t / wouldn’t / haven’t – taken anytime to press play to engage in your latest creation.

🤔🧐🤨

if you want the message to relay; indeed all you need to do is press play and LISTEN! (i would really appreciate your feedback / criticisms especially if you make it through the whole thing!

this project was originally released 2 years ago as a written text, featuring 10 chapters with a lot of colorful poetry and allegory. i’ve done the difficult arrangement of writing, editing, and recording it all. There’s no ‘physical’ copy of this book yet because i really want folks to listen as opposed to flipping through the pages and missing something.

Typos notwithstanding, there’s a message! May you get through! Whether through the Angel (😇) or Angle (📐)

Blessings and thank you for everyone that has taken the time! This was done at no cost to you, but if you wish to give a love token and donation :

Cashapp : $gesturegreen

paypal: paradiseclarity@gmail.com

Zelle: jesterants@gmail.com

20 OF 01 feat. 4 444 a.k.a. 2

workout playlist: if you care to jam while you may stretch, do yoga, lift weights, and exercise body form 💪🏾🕺🏾 (CAUT⚠️ON: it will include some dancing but that’s to be expected.) it’s a mix of many songs of varying emotions but a general theme is encoded in the folded harmonies.

this is also in honor of the sublime found in stretching and melodic enchantment. i must say every song resonates with some deep correlation, most of which deal with numbers. (also fumbles) a lot of CrUmBlEs, left on rugs, carpets, and wood. but safe to say, it’s all good!

please do enjoy!

*FOR TIDAL LISTENERS, CLICK HERE : https://tidal.com/playlist/a9a9de45-6d3e-4a95-8cd5-687c2c69b5a6

“ If you wave and say goodbye
You will not see me cry
I’ll grab the pillows from our bed
And I’ll knock these stones against my head
sananda never fails at creating a rotational melodic groove, that stings you. this is evidence of that notion.
“ trapped away too long, tired of all the lies! you can’t play me for a fool, cuz i’m leaving it all behind! i’m leaving it all behind!” this dude ROCKS! talk about a groove! one of my favorite guitar solos of ALL TIME! i did like 70 burpees because of this song 😀
“We are strong
We can hold on to each other if we try
And make it right, for you and I
There’s no goodbyes.” ahhh
don’t you miss 80’s pop ballads like this? so extra! kind of like me!
“And I am not afraid to try it on my own I don’t care if I’m right or wrong I’ll live my life the way I feel No matter what I’ll keep it real, you know Time for me to do it on my own” NOBODY CAN SING LIKE WHITNEY. this song proves as much. every time i listen? i get so emotional! but that’s another jam for another day!
If U live N the hills…
Listen
U take 2 many pills
Cuz U’ve lost the thrill
Against ur own will
Stand up & B strong
as much as i love this song and that this was recently released, there’s too much “clicking” within this song. like WAY too much to be a released song. i don’t even have the best ears and i notice it, it finally stops a little half way in, but G whiz yo! nonetheless, great harmonies and the sisters sounds great!!!
“I’m not accustomed to wearing my feelings
In a place that’s so obvious to see
But if eyes don’t lie
There’s a chance that you are not fooling yourself
and me…”
this song is pristinely cinematic and always creates a space of grace, stevie never misses!
“I love you, you love me But we must be sure We may be the best of friends But in the end, it’s true love that wins.”
this song brings back childhood thrills in many colors of sepia and in my
mom’s toyota sequoia!. *we wore this CD out!* Karen Clark absolutely flutters in this song. shoutout to J.Moss backing vocals too!
“loveeee, so many people use your name in vain.” i’ll never forget the moment i heard this song when it first came out. it’s sung flawlessly. one of those songs that just grooves.
“From the very first time I rest my eyes on you, girl
My heart says follow t’rough
But I know, now, that I’m way down on your line
But the waitin’ feel is fine
So don’t treat me like a puppet on a string
‘Cause I know I have to do my thing
Don’t talk to me as if you think I’m dumb
I wanna know when you’re gonna come – soon..”
i don’t want to wait in vain! not for love, whether deep below or high above. i don’t want to wait in vain, cuz’ there’s so much in a name.
“could it be that you, are the one that i longed for : are you…my dream come true?”
dedicated to a special somebody, may you be revitalized in your recovery ❤️‍🩹

INTRODUCTION : WAIT A MINUTE! TyPo or FAITH?

This is a story about Typos and hypotheticals. FIRSTLY: As told through the medium of the ‘Don_Key’ as spoken about in Numbers 22:21-38 when Balaam’s faithful friend was stopped in the way due to the Angel of The Lord. SECONDLY: This is a story based on true events but with remixed names and places. THIRDLY: it is also spoken through the political angle, which when in harmony with the angel of awareness, brings about revolutionary awakening and love.

Thus, this story is a 3-level narration. An adventure encouraging the listener to weigh each minute and to ponder on the material reality around us. The witness of the spirit must be in reliance with the science, the contradiction in life is to know the internal things or the things that are within are just are relevant as the tangible things or the things written on our skin.

instead, humanity at large has been jailed into systematic revisionism and applause is given for a lack of critical thinking and reading from primary sources. hijacked is the reason to believe without challenging the dialectical and material reality to the NOUNS around you. everything is alert and making a sound. One can be asleep but there’s surely an alarm!

shoutout to Jagrati and Gramercy!

asleep (jagrati) // alarm (gramercy) these words mean something !

to not hear it and still steadily sleep or much more to DREAM but to not write it down. recognizes many challenges. the record makes true how the spirit speaks through you. waiting and weighing the moments and figuring out which streets lead to destinies not prepared for. immediately and with urgency one is left to FIGURE OUT WHERE THEY ARE GOING. WHY WERE THEY STOPPED. WHEN THE PATTERN CHANGES AND WHEN IT IS FOLLOWING AN ‘END’ Herein We may Begin….

ScRiBbLe dRriBbLe…

turn on the lights!
escaping my window frame is a horizontal gaze,
extending itself onto a perpendicular praise.
the numbers outweigh
the substance and sway.
tho ‘the dough’ is rolling on by cylinder finesse.
by wood crafting, but the ghost of sawdust is no mans fool.
this tool,
is blunt with dull edges, yet it does chop.
from bharal to
bunny hop –
distance merely invites a motion or silent still
both of which can move a mountainous hill
further above, beyond and predictably ahead….
inquiring neighbors lounge, the graveyard of the dead.
though, the sprinkler system alarms the yawn to spawn a reactive measure,
set adjacent to the milk, honey, & pleasure
it is by outdated refrain,
i have foreseen the capable and much needed dream.
by neon surprise, this sleep has counted my weary and western eyes – however, the food has expired where there are now fruit flies.
sweet and stingy cuz i’ve survived the reaction which reckons with pickup and sorted decay. awakening my languid latitudes by drifting with the longitudes which have left me fed as prey.
yes, my hostage is hostile and unkept
by stratified emotions in which Jesus Wept.

020821 SD

aLl Of My ScRiBbLeS???

dRriBbLe !!!!
through the language of many sounds.
echoes and whispers which arouse my ears with devotional candles and incense.
assuring a moving dissipation to condense.
i’m drawn with a holy supplication – errors now joined with practiced theory.
So what if : the marks of progress are torn by eternal struggle and engulfed dreary?
the ancestors have empowered me to soften my hands to their stone – the vow is kept and made home,
despite imperialist forces set to cast us alone.
the work continues to service my spirit ready for war. hands and feet, thickly covered with blood and tar. safeguarded by tactical drones and made stable by a dichotomized satellite
we shall soon gain our second sight !
bringing the masses closer to liberty and peace
the awakening bells provide a feast
wherein all fears and inhibitions can surcease !

PERSONALLY, O B V I O U S L Y

have you ever heard the story of the ‘PERSONALLY’s? OBVIOUSLY, they belonged to a PERSON who did not POSSESS their belongings UnLeSs – stored inside of their purse!

some regarded the chapters WoRThLeSs as their VeRSeS were viewed as stringent cUrSes…nonetheless it did not fancy the PERSONALLY’s much at all. for OBVIOUSLY they were rarely, if ever oFfEnDeD – for their lives were only aTtEnDED – by what laid inside of their PuRsE. miscellaneous objects which would often quench the ThRiSt – of anyone suddenly in ‘NeEd‘ one could OBVIOUSLY always find a prediction worthy of sTeEd, with the PERSONALLY’s.

for PERSONALLY it would seem OBVIOUS – that the oblivion which guided their FaCeS – were blessings extended by insightful GrAcEs – a searching hand inside of their pUrSe! could they be looking for a nUrSe? or a rhyme with signature FlAvOr? one that others could not contest but sAvOr! notwithstanding, the PERSONALLY’s OBVIOUSLY made their purses cLuTcH – preferring to go dUtCh instead of paying one BilL. (*this indeed gave them time to KiLl)112820 PO

Pursesonally? Obviously!
it was not that the PERSONALLY’s were so OBVIOUSLY ChEaP! but they could not afford to lEaP – too far of a distance worthy that could KeEp – their essentials next to them at all TiMeS! if their arms could not reach inside of their purse // they felt they’d be certainly committing cRiMeS! the PERSONALLY’s held many animations to DiSpLaY – OBVIOUSLY the privacy of such collection did not always rElaY.

folks still trying to figure out what exactly was contained in the PERSONALLY’s PURSE? well, OBVIOUSLY: that’s PERSONAL.

p.s

this is also dedicated to Moon Child, she and eye are often ALWAYS PERSONALLY or OBVIOUSLY something : D

INSIDE OUT // outside in

this poem is an exchange between and Sylina and I! her writing is of elephant magnitude – in terms of the weight in how it compels me to carry through. you can find many more of her writings here: http://www.4eyesopened.wordpress.com/

All change ain’t good change, and boy have you changed
From the inside out you’ve transformed,
Not much remained the same.
Sure you still look good, you’ve kept yourself up…
But some of your inner beauty has faded, could it be because you lie so much?
Could the change have come about because your principles and morals have gone bad?
Because you’ve cast away the good memories, the good times that you’ve had?
Because I’ve noticed that you focus on the negative, spinning narratives into a new light.
A new light that turns things darker rather than highlighting the bright.
The pessimism doesn’t help to brighten up your smile.
The old one that I truly loved, I haven’t seen it in a while.
This new one exposes jagged teeth and a crooked tongue that flickers when you lie.
Stupid things you wouldn’t need to say, it always leaves me wondering why.
Why do you feel the need to lie to someone who loves you so?
I say loves, not loved because my love for you would never go.
Not away at least
It’s tried to stray, for peace
To get away from the beast you’ve become.
But I know who you really are
I know that change comes again, and that you’re transformation isn’t done.
I’m holding out hope that this next change reminds you of who you are,
And that this transformation is beautification and doesn’t leave any scars.
All change ain’t good change, and boy have you changed, but then again so have I.

i used to think washing clothes from the outside in – would be the sure way to win?
if threads can be exposed from the inside – the crush of the waves would forgive the sin.
at this exact moment it’s hard to know when to play with wrong or right.
we can both take the courage to board this complex flight.
but by then – how could your memory ever forget or know when to remember?
there’s been a disgrace at the surface –
all knots have not been tied by the end.
which ways we fold – creates a fairytale or mystery untold.
when the message came through in a dream, i denied ever living a life full of lies.
eventually, the separated waves birth a crush and brush – these jewels professed such lush!
the magic of this shine – inspired me to reflect this fiery light.
this was only right –
to turn outside right from the inside out –
it fully occurred to me, the duty of the wind blew me
into its invisible but real state.

this is a revolutionized change which bakes the cake without a signature model or make.

– as the truth of this emotion comes around with verifying reflection
times window makes known the view from
the outside in, which comes from within.

PLUNGE THE DISTANCE

i’m not sure what this is going… but imma let it rip! the beast has been unleashed and thus have made the people mad. they are unhappy because they are steadily sad. things have been bad. the easy rhyme comes together like roses are red, violets being blue – this post is about the space between everything and YOU.

what is it about the need to compensate what’s lost? you can obtain a little but some of it (some of the crucial pieces) are left without a home. there’s misery in the pretense to erase what’s flowing out of you. conversations trapped in thought. looking to align some form of resounding clarity – hidden by the ghosted allegiance. once it starts – it can’t be put down. it’s a reckless jump! a feckless chump- dares not challenge with fire and tenacity.

one has to reason : but to what end? to defend? even the most present and persistent ill? to what fortitude is achieved; if reasoning is done to the justification of deeply engraved injustice? the mix of something nice alongside with something toxic, provides enough disillusionment. whose gonna sound the alarm? the push is nigh to revolutionize against systematic task-forces designed to portray the vote blue regardless of who. the work, is not readily finished – time begs the sketchpad to remember the fleeting and pressing metamorphosis. the programs aligned are soon to reboot but the power must be switched on.

the human condition by and large, remains in a cyclical loop, connected to previous generations. whenever we, involve ourselves into any kind of dynamic – chemical reactions fluctuate. these reactions are elected by the intimating methods of various conjecture. no one truly knows the formulas of combustion and why there’s boom and bang! we can study the mystical properties obtained and risk combining explosively or enough to merely sizzle!

this sigh is stolen by the frustrating essence which is uneasy to remove. our power remains docile against the ever changing light. this light is one that brightens awareness of the way things go. they’re going in a way that can’t be controlled by much of anything. the circumstances we tolerate and manage, are usually stemmed in a mutual exchange. however, many times we are held hostage by the supreme and authoritarian rule. we don’t have the keys although we’ve been offered a free tour!

 

when we walk – we embark on a chilly lark. 
from new bees to the west of the seas and trees. 
green pastures from the high and low plains – freeze in the plunged distance. remnants from a broken rock, remind us : the power which comes from
shattering collisions. 
the amalgamation of the things to come are swimmingly dense to the point of pick up. they’re coasting by floating on the top, swarming in the river.

051420 PTD
FEAT. cethree, x, 35, L, m, 1, and bomb!

getting across to this destination, is to go fishing in the seas of waiting: a hook trying to bait with a pole hanging southbound. we don’t know when the link is gonna click until it bites our ear off. loud and unsettling is the message which comes with no invite. bursting and thrusting scenes which sharpen the record! how could anyone ever forget something so dramatic? the boisterous sound is enough to encourage one to listen closely or avoid confrontation all together. the mood is set but it changes with the burning candle. wax burns down and eventually it begins to trickle…

the world needs love. we all need understanding for each other. we get so many shots to get it right. following what inspires us. i don’t know about you but have you ever felt misled? maybe the clues were not adding up to your expectation or probable result?

colors and dreams
what does it mean?
can we question the rule of the obscene – without plunging too much green?

IMG_0721IMG_0732

TO THE QUEST FOR THE GEMS

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“FOLLOW THE GOLDEN LEAVES! FOR THE GOLDEN LEAVES WILL SHOW YOU WHERE TO GO.” in this case click the link below and watch this cartoon that I’ve been blessed to be a part of.

I’ve always wanted to be a part of a cartoon and this was manifested out of random collision. there’s something deeper brought out via cartoon animation which can’t be expressed through real life.

Our brains need to bend in wavy suggestive display. we are always better for it! think about how better you feel when watching cartoons? our memories are wavy and solidified by the morning suspense. I’ve been blessed to be a part of something so profound which brings to light much needed joy and enlightenment in such a time like this!

‘To The Quest For The Gems‘ was created by the talented artist and cartoonist Justin Macintosh and Jeremy Garner. I could tell you what it’s about but it’s only 16 minutes and 23 seconds – you can spare yourself some enlightenment and uplifting music to go alongside with the various messages told! I am very delighted to be given the invitation to lend my voice and passion to such a creation. This was once an idea. it had no form. no interaction. until the connection was made and we all used (digitally) tools built it up. All from across the world, by amazing people!

the 4 j’s united in harmony ! check out these talented artists and show support and love for the work they putting in.

https://tinyurl.com/rd2uhy4 – Justin Mcintosh
https://tinyurl.com/uwjmzw5 – Jeremy Garner
https://tinyurl.com/rm7p733 –  Jess from Galactic Gangsters

A closer look into rhymes and funky magic can spin us into worlds not easily understood. If you want to gain understanding – fret not by following along with the hacks and hints found inside the symbols.

we can be full without having to empty ourselves of what we’ve eaten at the table of riddles and innuendo. find it clear in your dreams – it’ll make sense as it’s all written down!

IN WHY SEE? WILDCARD!

7 letters…

N E W Y O R K

i’ve been looking to find the words to describe my trip to NYC. this was my first trip there and i knew before i arrived – i wouldn’t see half of it. (much less a slither of what it offers) there’s so much HISTORY – so much i presumptively imagined MYSTERY, would be hard to find. this couldn’t be further from reality; as i still long, to unlock the gritty sensation that makes up this BIG CITY! 

for starters: IT’S AN ISLAND! surrounded by water. as my plane landed – i couldn’t help but marvel at all of the water this metropolis is engulfed by. many have spoken about the skyscrapers, lights, subways, people and RATS! (shout out to the whale like rat which ran in front of me and my friend!) if i could try to describe this elemental sensation of feeling, it would be in a series of acronyms. all of them representing each selection and detail of the here, now, and soon. 

most of the time when you tell people you’re going to NYC – people wanna know WHY?! you’re repetitively reminded of how EXPENSIVE IT IS! (& that’s not a lie) how it’s dirty. The Pickpocketing! how it’s being GENTRIFIED (which is absolutely the case) and many other crucial aspects to consider when traveling there or much less – if you wish to live there. What seems to be the case is that the NYC of today is nothing like it use to be. i considered all of this into focus before traveling. i didn’t want any surprises but at the same time, i expected this experience to completely invigorate my prospects….AND THAT IT DID.

i didn’t nearly see as much as i wanted but i did get to meet and spend time with some of my favorite people. as a content creator, i’ve been blessed to meet people from all over the world. many of which connect to me via my youtube videos, blog posts, and other related media i’ve made throughout the years. i barely make the ‘000’s threshold. despite this, somebody somewhere saw whatever it was. reached out. conversation was had and the lost was then FOUND. thank you all for following along! ❤

like a recipe to a delicious meal – you can count on faithful mesmerization. you know it’s gonna be good when you register with the ingredients. (POPEYES CHICKEN SANDWICH MAKE NOISE!) Sam took this quick video as I bit into the goodness. 😀

with anxiousness leading into me the next – i am sitting at the table with various cards – one of which is a…IMG_7490

SOMETHING ABSOLUTELY INSANE. (IN THE MEMBRANE) INSANE IN THE BRAIN~! i feel we are at the cusp of a significant eclipse. We are always at the dawn of something. i’ve been asking people lately, if you could name this chapter in your life, what would suffice? 

MANY words may come to mind or maybe none at all? we are in this wrestle of noise and silence and we are guided by either the impulse to remain or shatter the dishes. 

the awareness of seasonal depression is one that knocks loudly when you feel november walking hands with gusty winds. if not provided a temporary temple against such typhoons – the measure of your outfit is better DECKED with layers, scarves, beanies, gloves, AND ALL DAT! The seasons do indeed change and so must our attitude around this fact.

*SELAH*

All of us are dealing with a lot at the moment. we’re all spinning in life’s web // trying to figure it out. traveling can help expand your perception about how small our bubble is. we can always go DEEPER and HARDER (of course that comes with the upkeep of such energy) as it would seem – the world is not simple to understand, though complex, there is still the ability to search. 

if we do not take such leaps and risks, we often fall prey to the usual command of the cycle. i am identifying with the ways i have become stagnant. (the lounge chair and all) it’s very easy for all of us to do. especially when your approach to life is sort of like the wind. there will always remain rules in the universe but the wise one knows when to break them or to reimagine them, in ways which best serves the situation. 

So many thunderstorms lay hostage in my mind and i’m only now breaking them free.(writing down thunderstorms means knowing also which eye of the storm is worth the explanation.) as I gaze out the window of my solitude – i find strength in writing down miscellaneous items that should be fulfilled.

whether, we are praying or actually writing a list down  – a request for improved outcomes is never dire. it can be very hard and challenging to look and examine our failures because it then creates a space of introspection. AND WHO WANTS TO SEE IN FULL FORCE A REFLECTION OF RANDOMIZED REALITY?

*Ever take a photo of yourself on accident only to find out how you really look at random seconds* 

headass
headass

NYC revealed to me that everyday can be a wildcard. every moment is a choice to imagine and fulfill. the scratch continues to inform the reason – what is the source of this irritation? can we be tongue tied with reason and delusional thinking all at once? What better pathway to clarity than a series of questions and guesses?

i’m finding my voice while still lounging in a marshmallow chair. The fight to keep it going and to just let things fall as they go is a CONSTANT BATTLE. when you see how things are // how they can be // how they were // how they feel now – the rabbit hole continues…

faded shades of multi-colored attempts and possibilities that never made it down the runway. clothes just hanging in the closet waiting to be worn for the right occasion. yet, the occasion never comes because you are waiting for it instead of just stepping into the wildcard.

here is where it gets even more challenging – the reality of failure can cause extreme lost.

but now i’m at a point where i crave deduction. i believe somethings should be lost and exempt. when examining everything we receive on the constant bases – sure some things would benefit being off the menu. By losing, we are gaining the space to acquire more. carrying too much means losing the energy to do anything with what you got.

i know now that my ramble has opened a different scene – I have escaped in a place I like to deem the random collisions of thought. (mental craze!) i am in a visible crossroads. a place where colors and shapes have had more voice than literal words. only now, these words must come to life and find motion in the physical.

imagination gives birth to ever changing scenarios. additions and deductions are a part of the cycle – the words continue and the pen never runs out.

READY OR NOT = it is coming. i don’t know what ‘IT’ may be to you but it’s coming. a confirming realization that speaks with no words only silent affirmation. like a head nodding to a beat that’s beating on the 2n4. it’s closer – by saying yes to the wildcard of selection. we are placed in a position to connect with the variations of outcome and proceed accordingly.

Th3 R3sounding 3

What is it about the number 3 – that finds itself in a charm box? Could it be that 3 is ‘lucky’? Or at least special because of the magic associated with it? “3 is the magic number, oh yes it is!” There’s a lot of reasons to believe that or to draw out connections that correspond with that idea but math has a way of spinning truth or illusion depending on which set of rules you’re using.

The number 3 will have a different association come next year but as it stands now – a flashback of experiences rush through me like lightning. Rarely do we keep up and remember all of the ways we are invested in the activity of daily living. Going to parties. Drinking with friends. Sharing a smoke with the homie. Eating a great meal with loved ones. All of this can happen at any time and become a practice of natural circumstance. If you don’t write down the way these connections are formed you can easily forget them unless they are stored properly. *At least for me, I write it down and forget about it until the occasional reading again.*

Life keeps on going and art helps us remember some of the details we have missed. 2015 was an incredible year for me and while I try not to always look back, sometimes I find myself staring at the things of the past. That year, in particular, had me hooked on purple high – which transformed so many of my experiences.

The purple vortex is so large it has a tendency to color all 2015 with a wide toothbrush as if that’s all that ever happened that year. Obviously, a lot of other things happened, but if you ask the red and blue from Minnesota – all the colors besides purple were all joined together to make a white space. (In other words, it didn’t exist as much as purple) 2015 was also the year I found out, I had to make the difference in where I wanted to go. I was no longer a passenger in someone’s car – I was the chauffeur of all my dreams.

Looking back like Lot’s wife means turning into a pillar of stone. Our memories and reactions to them are forever emblazed in statues. They live on. History is doomed to repeat itself under a new set of circumstances. It doesn’t matter what decision you make today, tomorrow may scoff at it or adjust it like a painting that’s hanging crooked on the wall.

We can’t help to correct or even re-imagine some of the actions of the past. I had a burning need to convey whatever was hot on my heart. Sometimes I succeeded at the vision while other times I just planted a seed that would mature within time. The time has come – after three years, reflection begins to take over. You look back and see those seeds and think of new ways you can remix or remaster.

Creating as a hobby is not the same as creating professionally but the focus of the creator is the same – to create and manifest. Someone may get it while others may get it only to a certain point. The begging question is – Will I be doing this even if money was not involved? Magic never hides its tricks but it may disguise itself in unfamiliar colors.

So what is it about some time periods that stick out to the creator? Maybe the details were not fully crafted or maybe – the fact that something done 3 years ago is enough to excite one to build on it currently. I should point out that 3 to me is a charm. There’s a flow of consciousness that is found in any number. Adding or subtracting can connect to any relevance one believes seriously enough to accept.

Anything can be a message or a window to a fresh perspective. What resounds me about 3 is how much we’ve convinced ourselves of its purpose in our lives.

“1 and 1 and 1 is 3 – got to be a joker, he just do what he please!”

“There is me and then there’s 3 – a trinity of Spirit, Soul, and Mind. Shell. Yoke. White. Past. Present. Future.

The Opening Quest

In preparation for further development of my book, I decided to answer several questions from one of my favorite authors Dushka Zapata.

These questions set the tone for 2018 while also inspiring me to invite you to send me questions that you have thought about existence. The goal isn’t to overthink but to answer with what you feel in the heart of the moment.

Here are my favorite 14 questions.

1. “If life had no meaning, what meaning would I create for mine?”

I’d create a meaning that would mean something to me tomorrow. A meaning that has enough nutrition to last for me and those who came after me. If no others came after me then the meaning would have to be enough to satisfy me even when I’m bored. Something to make me laugh and cry because it’s all so beautifully complex.

2. “If there was no purpose to our existence, what purpose would I give to mine to shield myself from existential despair?”

I would make it a mission to make someone think about their life and what they can do with it. I would want them to laugh at how ironic this whole game of life is. I would want to show myself and people around me how life is so short and how we should chase what gives us that rush.

3. “What matters to me? Why? And once I figure this out, can I determine an order of importance?”

Freedom matters most to me. To be at full liberty without the worry that I must stop at the disadvantage of someone’s inability to respect my equilibrium. If I could get out of someone’s way to their freedom. Establishing importance would mean to know it’s not just about me.

4. “Is there a healthy, logical correlation between my priorities and how I spend my time? If not, why?”

I give myself too much time for tasks I feel can wait. I must embed a pattern of usual, so I don’t buy into the distractions because god knows I have binged on many distractions. I think I have bought so much time because I see time as an illusion and I feel I always have time, but I’ve come to realize I don’t always have time. It’s always leaving me when I gain it.

5. “What am I afraid of? Can I learn to distinguish the fear that protects me from the fear that stops me?”

“They say everybody is afraid of something although I don’t know what actually makes me afraid now. I am drawn to the unknown and I believe fear makes us strong at times. I suppose my fear is to be consistent in the most western way of doing it. (I must always pay my bills and have enough left over) Constantly making enough that is sufficient and inspiring enough to last. The best way for me to distinguish it is to fail occasionally and not feel guilty about it.”

6.”What happens when I get what I want? Is it glorious, empty, triumphant, anticlimactic? Why?”

I usually feel content with it. Sometimes when I want something so very badly and get it – I don’t feel like it was worth the wanting. I would like to capture the gloriousness more because there’s substance in playing in that feeling. I think it becomes anticlimactic because I knew I could get it – I just didn’t think I would survive the trip to get there.

7. “What does happiness mean to me? What makes me happy and how can I capture that elusive sensation more often?”

Happiness means more laughter and learning found in simple and complex things. I think if I read more, the joy of happiness will show up more.

8. “What hurts me? How can I become stronger against what causes me to suffer? How and where can I learn to suffer less? How can I remind myself that the person who makes me suffer the most is me?”

I hurt myself when I don’t own up to my decisions and how they influence others. I should remember that I am in the driver’s seat and that my reactions can be calmer. To be mindful of silence and that words don’t always have to be spoken.

9. “What is left of me if I attempt to define myself without leaning on anything I do? I am a student, I am a writer, I am a mom, I am a manager, I am a Vice President – these are all things I do. Who am I? Where is she?”

This is a very complex one. I am here and while I am here, I want to make as much hell and fun on this trip. I observe, sleep, learn and then convert this knowledge into love for everyone around me.

10. “How can I avoid losing myself in my relationships? What are my boundaries and how do I enforce them?”

One way is to have a clear understanding that we do not belong to each other but that we are only appreciating and honoring each other’s company. That we live with the knowledge that we can together but sometimes we may steer to our own strengths by ourselves. I can enforce my boundaries by staying true to myself without shame or pressure.

11. “What do my feelings teach me about myself? If I feel anger or jealousy, can I learn not to react to these feelings but instead determine what they are trying to tell me?”

They are trying to tell me to maybe rearrange what I do not understand. To Ask more questions and to speak softly and to apologize when I’ve assumed too much. I can learn by simply remembering people are often in the same state as me. They just want clarity.

12. “What happens when I sit in silence?”

I find that the stillness in myself is still yearning to speak to myself in riddles of nothing but me, myself, and I.

13. “How can I better manage change? How can I get better at accepting how little control I have?”

Knowing that I did not choose to be born here at the time I was. Some parts are played long before I got here.

14. “How would I like to be remembered?”

“Remembered for good company with a fresh willingness to open a door that people didn’t really think about turning, making them laugh while thinking.”

If you got through all of my answers to these magnificent questions, I applaud your interest endearingly! I encourage you to answer some of these questions as well! I wanted to start 2018 with these questions because they would open up my understanding of myself and where I want to go.

I am making it a mission to write way more while reading, listening, and observing.

We can do this thing together – narrating and asking. This will help us climb the ladder for clarity among all living things!

((*Every 7th of the month from now until March – I’ll post 3 of my favorite questions (& 7 replies) that I find correlates with the book I’m working on! If you have any questions that you have asked at any time // feel free to email me at jesterj7@hotmail.com

Peddle Deep

I was peddling so hard – I didn’t know how close I was to falling down, until about 28 minutes ago! Ever get in the mood for just a race? You want to run so far as if some zombie is coming behind you! When you got that kind of motivation your legs become even more determined to go faster!

My legs were fully inspired. By the time, I was just about to get to my destination. It dawned on me – I had to stop before coming body first into a collision. (Duh!) Before nearly crashing -I hit the breaks HARD! So hard where I nearly fell off my damn bike!

Luckily tho, my instincts kicked in right in time for me to feel how close I was to falling off. My hands grabbed the handlebars earnestly. Like a man in love holds his lover in the time of delight, I was holding onto dem bars TIGHT!

Suddenly, my feet slid at an angle where it then dragged for several seconds while gulping equilibrium in the process. To make matters more sensitive – I had on soft Nike’s too. I got up – having realized I made it to my destination without falling off. Basically: It hurt like hell at the time it was all done.

As I walked up to put the bike back in place – I felt a pulsating pain. I legit thought I had fractured my ankle. I was happy I didn’t fall off. If the breaks were not engaged – I would have easily run on various solid surfaces.

I guess it didn’t matter how hard I was peddling – as long as I made it to my destination safely. A bit bruised up? Yes. A pep in my step due to avoiding my body crashing? Yes. But no long-term pains.

This taught me a valuable lesson: No matter how fast you’re going. How determined you are. You’re gonna have to stop. You’d be pressed to remember soon before it’s too late. So, peddle deep but take it easy around the corners – remember to break with a considerable sloth BEFORE arriving at your destination.

Gradual (Not Immediate) Approximately

Are you aware of the ‘Trans-Theoretical Model’? (TTM)

It comes in 5 Stages:

(1) Pre-contemplation – When one is unaware that change is necessary.

(2) Contemplation – When one recognizes the problem but not fully committed to changing it.

(3) Preparation – When one decides a change is necessary – When one Makes an effort.

(4) Action – When one puts into motion the action to deal with the problem.

(5) Maintenance – Goes hand in hand with action – Also where urges arise to encourage a relapse into the same behaviors.

We don’t always take into account how long It takes to changing behavioral patterns. As most things in life teach us – it ain’t that simple and the complications should be honored. These steps provide a layout that reminds us of the pieces that form the full picture of recovery. Even when you’re on the last step – it’s important to keep track of progress.

It’s easy and expected to get lost on your road to recovery and it’s very plausible that you may relapse. We aren’t always understanding of this struggle but exercising empathy is one of the best traits we can use for one another. This doesn’t mean we excuse toxic behavior in favor or someone’s journey – but again to exercise empathy is a great reward.

At best we are only approximating solutions. We’re all looking through the glass dimly through scuffs and bruises. Which is close enough, TBh. We are gradually getting to where we need to be. If history serves us correctly, it takes time and failure.

Trial and error.

We can learn an awful lot if we use what’s around us to our advantage. There is a lot which is beyond our reach but so many things close to our distance. It’s better if we deal with what’s in front of us rather than overlook what’s just around the corner.

Which leads me to my next point.

When was the last time you thought about the importance of reading?

NEWS FLASH: Most folks – don’t read.

Headlines are not articles. Articles aren’t always volumes but if properly condensed you can pack a lot of information in a few paragraphs. You don’t have to travel to discover more about the people around you. Reading is fundamental and while this is clear – it’s often forgotten about. Books are becoming less and less interested in mass consumption.

The link between bad behaviors and reading inevitably cross in light of new information.

It suddenly dawned me on just how a vast many of us are indeed ‘programmed’. When I say suddenly – I don’t mean out of nowhere. It didn’t reveal itself from the blanket of nothingness. Rather – upon careful observation of our various climates and conditions. We (Humans) are a special breed of Living energies and the way we cope knowledge and information have never been easier at the dawn of this internet age.

^^ I saw this and laughed myself into a deeply thoughtful analysis which is the basis of this blog post.

How many of us are really informed because of the tools made available to us for FREE on the Internet? Water is life and So is The Internet and I’ve already talked about this before – so I won’t go too far on that.

When I think of being ‘programmed’ it’s not by some pseudo prophetic cyber chip implanted in our fingers and hands. It’s more indirect. We have far better access than we’ve ever had in history. Regardless of this, many of us are ignorant of those around us. We simply don’t know because we’re plugged into the system of paying bills and finding out what’s next to eat. This pattern of daily living can get ruthless and if you’re not stimulating your brain by renewing perspectives – like a languid body sitting constantly, you become stuck.

We may not be DEEP or Intellectual enough to break it down from the micro and macro but with the connection of knowledge, we can stay informed. Don’t know? Get up and exercise your right to ask.

This is just a friendly reminder that you don’t have to be all the way there. You can approximate your way to the answer.

You Must Search

You Must Search because the systems aren’t designed to be completely honest with you. Systems enable a poisonous cycle that is literally designed to KILL you. If by chance you survive the toxic hell they feed you – they won’t supply tools necessary to restore your health and well-being. Look at it as a virus installed the moment you bought a new computer. It’s only a matter of time before it crashed but the repair won’t be for free.

But for a $Price$ far beyond your ability to compensate. All of the billboards tell you nothing is wrong and that this is the way it goes. All of the glitter and expensive things are shown as believable. It’s sold as a dream that everyone desires although you must be asleep to enter it. The price for liberation – leaves you left with very little leg room. While your legs may be stuck in a closed in place, your ability to move is still encouraged.

You Must Search for loving yourself isn’t always the easiest path but it yields the best benefits. It’s not that people don’t care they just don’t care enough to change what you’re doing in your life. It’s good to have a village hold everyone responsible but it ain’t the norm. People barely acknowledge that you’re there. When something comes up – like if your pants are down. This doesn’t always alert your neighbors all the time. They might not find it necessary to tell you – this is why your mirror is your best friend.

You Must Search cuz you’re responsible without given the reason to know why you gotta find out. You’re thrown in – sink, swim, or float. You’ll have to do each of these actions at some point in time. This matters because the importance of awareness is literally life-changing. Getting to know why things sink, swim, and float helps identify the problem. It ain’t just you, tho! Sharing this space with about 7 billion other people and counting helps create some perspective. When in doubt be your own best friend and look out the window to gain empathy.

You Must Search for there are various clues hidden between the walls and halls of your waking life. You’re on an endless journey which is governed by the rules you set. These rules are imaginary – they only make sense to those that follow. There is Black and White – and those colors which are in between.

You Must Search for the fun is in the adventure to find out what’s awaiting you. (Which is a lot)

The Qualified Sum

If you’re gonna play: Rock, Paper, Scissors with me – look directly into my eyes. Only look down when it’s time to decide who won. You’re cheating if you look at the hands the whole time, Don’t debate me – on this! 😀

Games like Rock, Paper, Scissors and Tic Tac Toe (X’s and O’s) are based on specific patterns. If you learn them, you’ll be able to win depending on if your opponent makes a mistake. Worst case scenario is that there would be a tie with no winners or losers. Yay!

I find games like this fun because with enough repetition – your subconscious catches on to how the player makes their move. We don’t always win at this but if you aren’t aware of the algorithm – you’ll find yourself losing more and more. This doesn’t always favor your ego, especially if you’re used to winning.

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Some of us are so bitter when it comes to failing we revise history to our advantage. *coughs – white people* It makes absolutely no sense to do this. It just makes you a sore loser. White Supremacists, Neo-Nazis, and Confederate loving Americans are PRIME at doing this. They don’t wanna look at history for what it is but rather what they want to make out of it.

Times like now are interesting because they force us to examine the ways we cheat at excusing our behavior. We’re afraid of owning up to some of our own biases if they mean proving us wrong.

Ever caught yourself in a: “NOT ALL OF US” KIND OF MOMENT?

It should be painfully obvious that ‘NOT ALL ‘ is dumped in when talking about a group of people. I’ve been seeing a lot of statements like #MenAreTrash – previously, I would get on the defense whenever I’d hear a generality like that because ‘HEY NOT ALL MEN ARE TRASH’.

Now, I knew I had trash ways as a man and I didn’t want to look at them because ‘We all fall short’ but this isn’t the way to go about it. If you don’t fit in the scenario than keep it moving.

Some are qualified in the variables made – if you don’t fit the shoe, don’t even try to wear it. Our egos can be big and to check ourselves is the easiest thing we can do if our feelings start running amuck.

In short: We qualify which moves we make on the board. The best we can aim for is to even out. We don’t gotta get mad if it ain’t about us. One of the best things I learned from my grandmother is “Everything ain’t about you and trust me – that’s a good thing!.”

The Living Things (Fully Alive & Sort of Dead)

The Living Things is finally here and it’s FULLY ALIVE. I was driven to create this because I had a few things to say about life. Life is moving for even in the silence – pulsating vibrations are recognized. There are seven parts to this project and each deal with various aspects (Windows) of life. In the three weeks prior to releasing this, I talked about how Water is Internet, The Echoes In The Night, and how YOU have the luxury privilege of disliking whatever is experienced in life.

Now you can experience the full life of The Living Things. The other four windows to this are as follows: The Living Things // W.G.E.O.L. (We Gave Each Other Life) // Makeup & Lighting // Zippers IN The Dark.

You got 39 minutes? I got this! I figure if you can invest 39 minutes and some change – you’ll learn something. Maybe you’ll be challenged? Who knows – only if you can invest some of your minutes. The great thing is – this will be up here forever. I wanted to create something direct and clairvoyant and not too full on like Characters In The Wind

There’s something for everybody and this thing is alive to help you transcend.

You have the liberty to Donate to this as an act of love or maybe you disliked it. Either way, it’s fine cuz this is it. Life is still breathing.

THANK YOU FOR LIKING OR DISLIKING THIS! 😀

Y.C.D.T.

(You.Can.Dislike.This.)

Cuz it’s too weird. Cuz it’s Too long. You don’t like me. Cuz it’s boring. Cuz you wanna troll. Cuz think it can be better. Whatever The reason, yes – You Can Dislike This. 🙂

This video is a part of The Living Things 7 video collection.

TRANSCENDENCE IN A PAISLEY ZONE

My experiences at Paisley Park have been a remarkable lesson in my growth and understanding of freedom! You are free to roam with sound and you never know just where it might take you!

Music acknowledges the very frame of your existence. From the amazing Sound coming from the speakers during a DJ Set, or when you hear the live music played present within a few meters. The truth is when sound can enter your body and you are covered with this music lotion of harmony and passion – it takes some time to get all settled in your pores.

Music like lightning strikes, and then there is the sound.

Sometimes, you see flashes of a particular event and you smile in silence because you remember just where and how you were changed in that exact moment!

IF EYE COULD GET UR ATTENTION was the first song Prince played when he went into his Solo Piano Set this last Saturday.

He’s got all of us, in complete attention in the direction he is leading. He’s gearing up for his Solo Piano and a Microphone Tour set in Europe later this month. It was very intimate and special to witness him just with a piano and a microphone. That’s all you need really. Prince is simply music. Whenever he is able to enter that zone, there is then transcendence.

An intimate moment, wherein emotion covers you. You feel the hairs on your skin start to rise. Some people cry, some can’t help but close their eyes and allow the music to undress memories. What is guaranteed is the moment you surrendered and allowed your vulnerabilities to show – it was connected to that special musical moment!

This continued throughout  Friday and Saturday night, where Prince surprised us with several rare and lesser-known songs. Including – Love Or $ taken from 1986 in the Under The Moon, When Will Be Paid, and an instrumental medley of ‘With You’ from his second studio album.

The surprises kept coming! Now, he could have stayed on the piano throughout the whole show, that would have been fine. BUT the last song Stratus just gave us the conviction needed that displayed just how incredible the music is at that place. Prince is an enterprise of sound, and the musicians around him are bringing out and adding to this sound landscape he has.

AND AFTER ALL OF THAT, he took us out to see 007 at a local theater. Now, I saw brief pieces of it before I knocked out, but I’ve been in the zone, all thanks to the moment of transcendence which happens quite frequently there! 🙂

Birthing Cell

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Inside the birthing cell – a wave ancient connection, forms as a multitude of ancestral witnesses. 

I hear them and now my writing begins.

I’m told to write you down and here my voice is unto you.

As a witness, being there at the birth of your being.

Surrounding you are the voices of the oppressed, the selections of what is to be studied and swallowed.

A sweet taste of uniformity – neglecting not the WHOLE.

Begin to tap into your subconscious, unwind the forces of time.

An apprehension of what your belly will take your mere suggestive desire will make.

Food, and leaves that are given for peace.

Peace in which a river will follow!

Unending Math

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Salvador Dali

Like a fire is known by the passion of yesterday – our galaxy is made of mysterious makeup and powerful energy!

Magnificent feelings which take us to the sky and then to the unending line which goes on forever.

If you could understand the angles on which I am met – you would see why this corner is so hard to be in.

Hard like Arabian Math – with a great thrust to intersect.

I’m giving you a lampshade crown as I am weeping on your knee.

Weeping because all I see is the lamentation of a world without you.

I am happy to know you’re here in my route.

So take those pregnant pauses and when you are ready to deliver.

I’ll be there to carefully caress your body language!

You swallow whole the engulfing mystery of the night.

Rivers and streams within you.

I just want to play by the awakening of your waters.

You keep my eyes focused, but my heart yearning for more!