i write about the symbols found in everyday life. I'm usually, all over the place, but there's a rhyme in the para//el : here is where you can push the buttons of meaning and poetic philosophic ramblings. Peek around, there's a lot to see. (you never know what you may find). i’ve been wearing buttons for as long as everyone has but i aim to connect with the numbers and colors of consciousness…what? why! let's see?!
When Tomson’s family moved to Albuquerque, everything seemed to naturally change. His family found a new church home called “OVERFLOWING RIVERS” and with a new church meant different ways of how he understood faith. It started with the doctrine known as Eternal Security. A doctrine that claims once you’re SAVED, you’re ALWAYS saved (OSAS).
This stood in stark contrast to HOLY FIRE ON THE HILL which emphasized one could loose their salvation – if not committed to works made to maintain a holy life.
He was most drawn to OSAS because of his fascination with time and the idea of eternity and most importantly, eternal love that could not be disturbed. Tomson often thought : “If G-D loved me, would this last forever or was forever contingent, based on how good he performed in his everyday life?”
It made sense to Tomson that once receiving a gift of salvation, he’d always have this gift for life. It couldn’t be forged by personal behavior, in fact why would you even want to live a life of sin, after experiencing the best gift known? That was until Tomson came across Hebrews 6:4-6 :
“For it is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted the heavenly gift, and have become partakers of the Holy Spirit, and have tasted the good word of God and the powers of the age to come, if they fall away, to renew them again to repentance, since they crucify again for themselves the Son of God, and put Him to an open shame.”
This was the scripture his Father used a leverage to the idea one can lose their salvation. At first glance, it made perfect sense. One could eat from the delights of enlightenment and then fall away. He debated this to his father faithfully “But it’s not true! He’d claim.” The bible also says in 1 John 2:19 “They went out from us, but they did not really belong to us. For if they had belonged to us, they would have remained with us; but their going showed that none of them belonged to us.” Tomson kept wrestling scripture with his Dad and peers for what felt like a very long time. he could not understand how people could read the same bible and take completely different meanings from the chapters and verses.
This only encouraged Tomson to rebel even further. Why would he let anyone convince him otherwise? especially, when these mountains of clay could quickly be turned into a rock, castle, or a lumpy hassle! OVERFLOWING RIVERS was a vastly different experience from HOLY FIRE ON THE HILL. For starters, they did not seem so hung up on the Traditions Tomson knew to be common.
At HOLY FIRE ON THE HILL – Women were encouraged to wear dresses and never trousers/pants *if she did have pants on, judgement was quickly disposed to her*. She better not have any red or colored lipstick or fingernail polish either. At OVERFLOWING RIVERS in Albuquerque – these rules seemed to go out the pulpit. The people dressed as they liked and seemed to not care about how others perceived them, for their relationship with G-D was more important than the traditional customs others were accustomed to.
The pastor was very vibrant and had a scream so loud, you’d think he could part the red sea with it. He always claimed, “God gave Moses his rod and he gave me my SCREAM!” The strength of his voice was reasoned with his ability to also teach in such a calm manner. As much as Tomson loved seeing people dance and shout to the music, he loved even more the teachings of the bible in a clear but humors dictation which fancied Pastor’s SCREAMER style of preaching.
While Tomson’s Family was always a religious family that went to church as often as three times a week in SHREVEPORT, much of that changed in Albuquerque. Just before Hurricane RAYKWAN struck, The local pastor and Bishop of their jurisdiction died suddenly at the start of the year. It was a huge blow for HOLY FIRE ON THE HILL.
Bishop and Pastor GRIN was a very charismatic and Holiness preacher who had very clear beliefs surrounding the way of holiness, but Tomson remembers him as a man with one of the biggest grins you could witness. Maybe that’s why his family tree gave him his ‘Grin’. His wife had one of the most tender voices that warmed you just by hearing her. Thus, his passing started a series of revivals which remained up until Hurricane RAYKWAN hit in August.
Tomson’s father was an Elder in the church who would sometimes preach whenever he was called upon. When Bishop GRIN died, his father was crushed and very distraught after his passing. It being one of the first and only times – Tomson remembers seeing tears in his fathers eyes. When moving to Albuquerque, his father made a clear declaration that he would never join another church again but start his own. It didn’t help that when the family decided to attend OVERFLOWING RIVERS for the first time : there was a woman sitting in the pulpit. Tomson remembers his father whispering to his Mum, that this was the last time he’d ever attend OVERFLOWING RIVERS.
Thinking about that day really astounded Tomson, to realize his father was sat THAT far back in his ways. His dad studied the bible consistently. Tomson would nickname him “YELLOW JOURN” because he’d always read through the yellow legal pad notes alongside with his bible AND Tomson reckoned his bible was heavier than usual, because it was weighted down with all of the yellow highlighters. YELLOW JOURN always had his HUGE black bible with scattered notes and highlighters on a desk and would read constantly. He was a walking bible that could quote a scripture directly from memory, if someone had said something that reminded him of the scripture. *Strictly KING JAMES* – he stayed armed and ready to defend what he believed and could show you where to find it IN THE TEXT!
Shortly, after moving to Albuquerque – YELLOW JOURN went about the business of being a pastor. He’d rent plaza spaces in the local city and started to hand out programs in the streets. Tomson’s mother, 2 sisters, and brother RAPTUS, would join him for a few Sundays until eventually his sisters stopped going completely. His sisters were much older than TOMSON AND RAPTUS and as such, lived their own lives quite quickly especially as Sunday were concerned.
Tomson preferred going to OVERFLOWING RIVERS rather than his father’s church because it was something new and there was a huge choir with a great organ player. Which meant more dancing and a good feeling! At his Father’s Church : THE WORD TEMPLE there was no organ player or choir – mostly just his mother and brother save a few other guests from time to time.
this was a time : wherein Tomson also was hearing conflicting bible approaches. YELLOW JOURN being the strict holiness or hell preacher found the influence of Pastor SCREAMER, incredibly heretic. “You shouldn’t let them go to that church, they are preaching all kinds of things that doesn’t align to how we were taught” YELLOW JOURN would say to his wife MISSIONARY ‘LIVION *** Lo and behold – Tomson’s grandmother GRANNY LIGHT was the one who eased the peace as she preferred going to OVERFLOWING RIVERS.
She loved the community of people there and how they showed a lot of grace after knowing the family were victims of Hurricane RAYKWAN. GRANNY LIGHT wasn’t too keen in joining THE WORD TEMPLE – which was only recently just starting out in a hotel lobby at the time. She wanted to go somewhere where people knew her, and she made friends quickly.
It became a fixed order of meet and greet for Tomson and his brother RAPTUS. both of them waking up at 8:00 AM on Sundays for their father’s Sunday Service at 9:00 only then to leave right around 11:30 to pick up their GRANNY LIGHT and take her to OVERFLOWING RIVERS just in time for Mid-Day service at 12:00 PM. This became quite the routine, but Tomson was happy for it to suspend because he and RAPTUS – really started to challenge what their Father was preaching. It frustrated Tomson that his approach to the bible was so black and white despite the many highlighters which made him YELLOW.
They stood up to him both, about the delivery of his message. They thought he was too tough and he very rarely preached the love of G-D. Being very tired of hearing about hell, fire and brimstone. They wanted to know about the gifts of the spirit that bred love and compassion. But YELLOW JOURN didn’t like them constantly challenging him and eventually told them they didn’t have to come to his church if they didn’t want to.
Much of his delight and theirs, they would just wait until 12:00PM to go and pick up GRANNY LIGHT and head over to OVERFLOWING RIVERS. Everything was changing and Tomson was becoming more aware about the present urges in his body and mind. However, he was wrestling with fear like never before. He’ll never forget the one moment as a child that jumpstarted the fears he had about going to hell, which happened only a year before.
After one Sunday School at FIRE ON THE HILL there was often food you could purchase at the back of the church. They served burgers, fries, and cold drinks! Tomson always looked forward for Sunday School to be over, so he could eat a great lunch. He’d walk over to GRANNY LIGHT and asked her for 2.50$ so he could get a combination meal. GRANNY LIGHT always seemed to feel quite generous as she gave Tomson a 2-dollar bill and two quarters.
Tomson walked over to the counter and ordered his food. After calling his name to pick up the order, MOTHER VIRGINIA noticed him and asked Tomson if he could buy HER a burger and fries. *THIS WAS SURELY A TEST OF HIS FAITH!!!* Tomson reluctantly, told her he only had enough for himself. MOTHER VIRGINIA then proceeded to tell him : “That G-D loves a cheerful giver and if he were not happy to give – he might land into HELL with gasoline underwear!!!” Tomson began to visualize this picture in his mind and it was THAT G-D which seemed to always be angry.
Tomson not long after this moment, wanted nothing more than to be informed and taught all of what he should do to please G-D. Therefore, he studied different doctrines and statements of faith – trying to understand the intention behind such convictions. He followed his father’s YELLOW JOURN footsteps and started to write down notecards of bible verses and studied doctrines and differences heavily. So much in fact, that he started getting a mild reputation for being a preacher around his school in Albuquerque.
Tomson held a passionate EISEGESIS approach // which is one that leads INTO the text whatever you wish to make out of it. This seemed to be largely everyone’s approach to stories anyway. One that imagines and creates whatever the MINISTER wants to bring out of it. It wasn’t until they moved to Albuquerque – until Tomson understood the opposite of EISEGESIS – EXEGESIS, a method which leads OUT OF the text.
Tomson had a greater understanding of how easily one can be misled by whatever the SINISTER decides to spin on scripture. He loved going to bible studies on Wednesday because Pastor SCREAMER became TEACHER WHISPER as well and would just talk to the congregation about various topics. Often challenging ideas which were commonly believed at FIRE ON THE HILL. (Could it be that the OVERFLOWING RIVERS DROWNED OUT THE FIRE ON THE HILL INSIDE?)
Tomson began to realize his traditions were transitory – as such his voice was a part of a much greater congregation! A song was soon encouraged to be sang, but this time? in unison!
Tomson’s life looks completely different now than it did when he was a child growing up in Shreveport, Louisiana. (No surprise there!) Tomson came from a family of five, being the youngest – he grasped the world around him very easily.
He was in for a journey about thrills and fills – If you follow along with this brief account, you’ll certainly be in for one too! He remembered a lot from his childhood but undeniably what sticks out the most is the repetition of events. Tomson and his family went to church so frequently, if he were to miss it for a day it felt very strange. SUNDAY TUESDAY WEDNESDAY FRIDAY – This was not any kind of church but a church where miracles were demonstrated in unexplainable phenomena.
Tomson belonged to a pentecostal and holiness church, wherein the members believed in the gifts of the Holy Spirit. From making the blind see, the deaf to hear, and speaking in unknown tongues. They’d wait before the altar for hours just for the glory of The Lord to enter the room and fill everyone all up. The colors of the organ were as bright as the voices that cried from the congregation begging everyone in the building to “TELL HIM YES”.
When the anointing would come into the church – anything could happen from scribbles on the floor to foaming at the mouth. As far as Tomson knew, the anointing was the power that could make someone break out into a dance, cry, or even run around the church as if they were running a marathon. Some consider it “getting happy for the Lord”. It was always an unexpected series of hysteria, but it felt good as far as Tomson knew. It was almost like a drug that could intoxicate and induce hallucinations of visions and dreams. All you needed to do was tune into the vibration of the people around.
What seemed to be the goal was to be baptized with the Holy Ghost, which was a sacred and expected gift to desire after you were saved. If you committed your life to Jesus – why not want the gift of the Holy Spirit? It was free and given to all of those who asked for it. At Tomon’s Church ” HOLY FIRE ON THE HILL ” they believed that waiting for the power to endow you was worth the sweat and big breasted women yelling in your face to ‘*TELL HIM YES: Say Yes! Yes! Yes!” *
At no point did it cross Tomson’s mind that ‘NO’ could even be an option* (also why would one say no to something that made you joyful?) he remembered being in front of the altar in tears because he felt a rhythm in his body that he could not explain. Church for him, was more than the shouting, singing, communion, and then hearing The Word. The word that was sharper than any two-edged sword meant to divide the wrong and right in his life. This word would enter his psyche deep and early and became the dance floor where all his soul was expressed and revealed.
For all of the dancing and shouting, HOLY FIRE ON THE HILL was still incredibly focused on proper memorization of doctrine and scripture. The Statement of Faith, The B-Attitudes, The 10 Commandments, were all expected to be fully memorized and repeated upon request from the leading missionaries and Elders. Tomson never had any problem remembering them *even at the tender age at 12*, though he did not understand the fullness of what they meant.
The preachers and teachers made sure the church knew that everything in life had a foundation and reason behind them. Simply put: It was either holiness or hell the way they saw it. Thereby, you had to be willing to separate yourself from everybody else – cuz you ain’t like nobody else! YOU ARE THE HOLY FIRE ON THE HILL AFTERALL! You BETTER get right or you’re going to get LEFT when the Rapture comes! While, Tomson loved the idea of the rapture, he was also very astounded by such capture. It was written in such poetic pose : “In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed.”
Tomson liked to imagine the dead rising out of their tombstones like zombies. people would eventually realize why his family always danced and went to church four times a week! it would not prove them in vain! Tomson strived like so many others in his church to be Holy. he always heard : “BE HOLY FOR I AM HOLY”. He had to make sure he was READY for when the rapture was to occur which could be at any time.
Without a warning, like a thief in the night. It could happen while sneaking into the living room to watch BET Uncut or when he was surfing the internet about things that turned him on. Tomson was scared and thrilled at the idea that we could all be caught up in the rapture. After all, the rapture is ‘The Blessed Hope’ this is what all true believers wanted to happen. it would finally be A day of justice. The Day of Reckoning.
A time where everyone would be separated. The sheep from the goats. His understanding of right and wrong became very polarizing. He just knew always in the back of his mind and deep in his heart : there was an expectation set for him. He was told by a prophet once, that he had a mission to complete. And he believed that mission would save him, giving him all of the necessary determination to reach his destiny.
Tomson had a purpose at an early age after becoming saved at 12 years old, he felt driven inside. Tomson felt he was saved because he remembered crying, after feeling a sensation come over him upon memories of light. He felt in his heart of hearts that he really meant YES AND JESUS WAS LORD. of course not knowing, why – he was crying or why eventually saying YES to this Lord– he still believed, better than to say yes than no, after all he did not want to go to hell.
Although, the idea of hell never made much sense to Tomson. Everyone at HOLY FIRE ON THE HILL made a big deal about how it was so nice to see a young boy receive Jesus at such an early age. Tomson was not alone, his brother RAPTUS and some close friends at FIRE ON THE HILL we’re on the same road to holiness. They all shared similar experiences. Crying before the alter and telling him ‘YES’. They knew how it felt to be anointed and the power that went in our veins making us dance and speak in unknown languages. They were the victims of rigorous revivals that reminded them of the importance of staying faithful in a world filled with temptation.
Speaking of temptation, Tomson noticed his flesh was changing. It started at 11, and at the dawn of adolescence and while it’s proclaimed, “The flesh is weak, but the spirit is willing”. *His flesh felt anything but weak only just as *IF NOT STRONGER THAN HIS SPIRIT*. He was too young to navigate the extremity of what these feelings were about and too old and stubborn to do something against them. Eventually he would soon find the answer…
He just knew a lot was changing and he had to respond to those changes with something stronger than just saying YES to whatever they were telling him to say yes to. Why was HE saying ‘Yes’ this whole time? Would it have been better for him to say no?
Some would say, Tomson was young and naïve to believe all this information without the will to question it. One reason he said Yes was due to the urgency of the leaders around him. He figured they meant well (they always had peppermints and candy after service). But the more he waited before the altar something was happening. He started to feel bumps on his skin. Tomson knew the ‘anointing’ had not only come into the room but onto him. He didn’t realize what he had tapped into. The more he explored the ‘YES’ he realized some of what he was saying yes to : deserved a solid NO.
Before he set out to explore on these intense changes, life offered its own natural change in the form of one of the most disastrous hurricanes no one expected, Hurricane RAYKWAN which hit that later that summer. Tomson’s family evacuated to various places until they settled in Albuquerque, New Mexico. At the heels of all these changes, his ideas surrounding what he believed had a significant change. Thoughts change upon new information and since processing new information at such a rapid speed – something had to be done with the various bites of knowledge he had encumbered. The rapture indeed came in a form of transition which bled what Tomson understood as traditional…
i’ve been looking to find the words to describe my trip to NYC. this was my first trip there and i knew before i arrived – i wouldn’t see half of it. (much less a slither of what it offers) there’s so much HISTORY – so much i presumptively imagined MYSTERY, would be hard to find. this couldn’t be further from reality; as i still long, to unlock the gritty sensation that makes up this BIG CITY!
for starters: IT’S AN ISLAND! surrounded by water. as my plane landed – i couldn’t help but marvel at all of the water this metropolis is engulfed by. many have spoken about the skyscrapers, lights, subways, people and RATS! (shout out to the whale like rat which ran in front of me and my friend!) if i could try to describe this elemental sensation of feeling, it would be in a series of acronyms. all of them representing each selection and detail of the here, now, and soon.
most of the time when you tell people you’re going to NYC – people wanna know WHY?! you’re repetitively reminded of how EXPENSIVE IT IS! (& that’s not a lie) how it’s dirty. The Pickpocketing! how it’s being GENTRIFIED (which is absolutely the case) and many other crucial aspects to consider when traveling there or much less – if you wish to live there. What seems to be the case is that the NYC of today is nothing like it use to be. i considered all of this into focus before traveling. i didn’t want any surprises but at the same time, i expected this experience to completely invigorate my prospects….AND THAT IT DID.
i didn’t nearly see as much as i wanted but i did get to meet and spend time with some of my favorite people. as a content creator, i’ve been blessed to meet people from all over the world. many of which connect to me via my youtube videos, blog posts, and other related media i’ve made throughout the years. i barely make the ‘000’s threshold. despite this, somebody somewhere saw whatever it was. reached out. conversation was had and the lost was then FOUND. thank you all for following along! ❤
like a recipe to a delicious meal – you can count on faithful mesmerization. you know it’s gonna be good when you register with the ingredients. (POPEYES CHICKEN SANDWICH MAKE NOISE!) Sam took this quick video as I bit into the goodness. 😀
with anxiousness leading into me the next – i am sitting at the table with various cards – one of which is a…
SOMETHING ABSOLUTELY INSANE. (IN THE MEMBRANE) INSANE IN THE BRAIN~! i feel we are at the cusp of a significant eclipse. We are always at the dawn of something. i’ve been asking people lately, if you could name this chapter in your life, what would suffice?
MANY words may come to mind or maybe none at all? we are in this wrestle of noise and silence and we are guided by either the impulse to remain or shatter the dishes.
the awareness of seasonal depression is one that knocks loudly when you feel november walking hands with gusty winds. if not provided a temporary temple against such typhoons – the measure of your outfit is better DECKED with layers, scarves, beanies, gloves, AND ALL DAT! The seasons do indeed change and so must our attitude around this fact.
All of us are dealing with a lot at the moment. we’re all spinning in life’s web // trying to figure it out. traveling can help expand your perception about how small our bubble is. we can always go DEEPER and HARDER (of course that comes with the upkeep of such energy) as it would seem – the world is not simple to understand, though complex, there is still the ability to search.
if we do not take such leaps and risks, we often fall prey to the usual command of the cycle. i am identifying with the ways i have become stagnant. (the lounge chair and all) it’s very easy for all of us to do. especially when your approach to life is sort of like the wind. there will always remain rules in the universe but the wise one knows when to break them or to reimagine them, in ways which best serves the situation.
So many thunderstorms lay hostage in my mind and i’m only now breaking them free.(writing down thunderstorms means knowing also which eye of the storm is worth the explanation.) as I gaze out the window of my solitude – i find strength in writing down miscellaneous items that should be fulfilled.
whether, we are praying or actually writing a list down – a request for improved outcomes is never dire. it can be very hard and challenging to look and examine our failures because it then creates a space of introspection. AND WHO WANTS TO SEE IN FULL FORCE A REFLECTION OF RANDOMIZED REALITY?
*Ever take a photo of yourself on accident only to find out how you really look at random seconds*
NYC revealed to me that everyday can be a wildcard. every moment is a choice to imagine and fulfill. the scratch continues to inform the reason – what is the source of this irritation? can we be tongue tied with reason and delusional thinking all at once? What better pathway to clarity than a series of questions and guesses?
i’m finding my voice while still lounging in a marshmallow chair. The fight to keep it going and to just let things fall as they go is a CONSTANT BATTLE. when you see how things are // how they can be // how they were // how they feel now – the rabbit hole continues…
faded shades of multi-colored attempts and possibilities that never made it down the runway. clothes just hanging in the closet waiting to be worn for the right occasion. yet, the occasion never comes because you are waiting for it instead of just stepping into thewildcard.
here is where it gets even more challenging – the reality of failure can cause extreme lost.
but now i’m at a point where i crave deduction. i believe somethings should be lost and exempt. when examining everything we receive on the constant bases – sure some things would benefit being off the menu. By losing, we are gaining the space to acquire more. carrying too much means losing the energy to do anything with what you got.
i know now that my ramble has opened a different scene – I have escaped in a place I like to deem the random collisions of thought. (mental craze!) i am in a visible crossroads. a place where colors and shapes have had more voice than literal words. only now, these words must come to life and find motion in the physical.
imagination gives birth to ever changing scenarios. additions and deductions are a part of the cycle – the words continue and the pen never runs out.
READY OR NOT = it is coming. i don’t know what ‘IT’ may be to you but it’s coming. a confirming realization that speaks with no words only silent affirmation. like a head nodding to a beat that’s beating on the 2n4. it’s closer – by saying yes to the wildcard of selection. we are placed in a position to connect with the variations of outcome and proceed accordingly.