blessings // buttons y'all ~ here is where you can push the buttons of meaning and poetic interpretations of angel & angle windows of insight. peek around, there's a lot to see. (you may discover a key) For me? To sew is bestow! (buttons are like seeds) my aim is to frame THAT name : my sight is to ignite and thus write N2 PARADISE CLARITY. (for what is understanding if not for the s3arch & struggle to get there?)
seasonal depression is in session the calamity is sizzling in the booth like a rotten and spoiled tooth cold to the touch ailments swollen & such formation takes a scolding seat malnourished and empty is the street past is left open like a twisted rope barefoot in journey seeking hope while summoned to the river naked and exposed, there i stood in a shiver like the roots planted next to me engulfed by the wind and tree before i knew it, i jumped with my flesh slumped inside the cold water an underground battle became a deep slaughter pierced by the freeze shaken by blistering leaves i’ve fallen and only desire sleep though these waves thrust me deep and my dreams creep remnants remain floating at the top the lighthouse flickers as though it may stop with the shine on the line and my mind crossed yet another time for this reason i wish this season to be dismissed as i drown remiss…
when you’re lonely – you’ll search every languid hall for an expired season – bumping into the very reason, which provide no alibi…only treason! as i walked astray, i’ve beaten up the innocent and have accused the elderly fray.
this is a transition, which leaves me on a mission to find the utility. i contemplate whether i should continually swallow, this pill of lonesome arrival?
the system has not yet processed, the last byte of sand that’s been witched! my digital frame belongs to a name, not remembered or savored by fame. although, some scream loudly and capture with fallacious print and distorted light. my feet returns to the outdated announced fight.
here it goes again! wher3? over there – just a little closer to the edge, where i’m already hung up over the ledge. the overwhelming plea of this frequent Kabuki theatre, sends worms onto Shakespeare’s SKIN. the mere speech from these actors, makes the mind THIN!
it’s TEW MUCH! a stew rush! the bowl is full and the servings are plentiful but if i eat any more slowly, it’ll grow cold. a flavor equating to mold, cuz the code is just THAT grotesque. your tongue guaranteeing the taste of the silver screen burlesque!
when you’re lonely – you’ll sit in the rocking chair covered in a heated sweat, crying.wetting the face, which begins to trace, all of those smiles hung up and broken, into a stubborn place.
angles and angelspas(t) around you with present pretense (the future while *dense*) still bribe the clock to rock according, to a tune that is funky, or one to mock!
when the dreary seas brush you into the mush, which cause you to daydream – flush the stream and entertain the obscene! (LIKE JARGON M’BELLISH) then you will be awakened! to the siren inside your head, the remembrance is enough to awaken the dead.
as spirits of old, wander in search of a body to poke – if your bees start leaving, it’ll soon begin to feel like a joke. hocus pocus! did you look twice or not focus? herein is a story : which wears the dress of the clown, with colors magnified featuring whistles, pizzazz, and bells on your gown!
On one breezy sunday afternoon, Jargon M’Bellish had a thirst for spirit. before Jargon left their home – they made sure they had the following items on:
hot pink n blue boho tunic (with greenapple squares on each sleeve.)
bright orange gloves with marshmallows stickers threaded onto them.
royal purple shade trousers with patches of magazine cut outs, featuring various celebrities.
sunglasses with beige fuzziness on the handles!
when, they finally walked out onto the busy downtown street // they presumed critical eyes glancing. they were right! cuz their clothes were so peculiar. *could, Jargon M’Bellish be a distraction to passing pedestrians watching? *one couldn’t readily tell! the presumption thrilled their function. suddenly as if possessed, Jargon M’Bellish jumped 22 times, before spinning in circles, only then proceeding, to kick their right knee in the air and moon walk backwards to their destiny which was only a few blocks away.
*** not long after Jargon M’Bellish was handed their spirits and charms – they suddenly realized they didn’t bring a backpack to hold their spirit. would anyone think of them to be a drunk, while holding the brown paper bag? could that be the explanation for their boisterous behavior previously? would Jargon M’Bellish attempt; such randomized delirium before returning home again? i suppose it depends on the impending desire to be SEEN! ***
cuz when you’re lonely – you’ll scream at every voice thus silencing a life saving choice. again i say, REJOICE! for even, when words are emptied and bleak cities are filled with waste – our feet are scorned to pick up and make haste! : with the time that’s still in the room, although it lives on the ceiling – loneliness steadily pleads for healing.
when we are torn a part but simultaneously structured, our dispositions shake and we remain flustered! our feet must slow down to the yellow mustard! we’ve already stopped at the RED LIGHT, while speeding through GREEN – our vehicles ran out of STEAM.
as one shuffles through the sheets and profiles of the stranger. the destination in front of you, can’t hide from a very imminent danger.
the unusual mystery of the antediluvian tree – yields blurred mirrors screaming :
“DO YOU KNOW me?!” WHY DO YOU FLEE? Do YOU kNOW Thee?!”
with much more added text, crippling my speech to rhyme & flex. a formula is needed to graph where this goes next…
The Parable of Jargon M’Bellish is about what it feels like to be lonely.
JARGON = language that is characterized by uncommon or pretentious vocabulary and consulates syntax and often vague in meaning
M’= MYTHOMANE (🦷) – a person with a strong or irresistible propensity for fantasizing or exaggerating
BELLISH = to enhance / beautify (a statement or narrative) with fictitious additions, to ‘ish’ it up!
Tempting to make a living out of a death sentence. That’s the struggle for existence. Caught in between the cycle of wanting and owning. LEVEL UP!
The abrasive wrestle between gone and coming. There is both the need to be seen in invisible clothes. LEVEL UP!
When talking to you – I’ll repeat what you said in order to indicate I was listening. If you don’t want those words thrown back at you I’ll just ’MmmHmm’ You until you get the point. LEVEL UP!
Seeing as I experienced one of the most random trips recently to Arizona and neighboring areas – it’s about time I level up! *seriously, shit has been absolutely crazy // having a car accident on my way to the airport.*
I’ve taken for granted living in Sweden for a long time. Coming back to America for a spell meant more sugar, money, and unforeseen realities all encouraging me to level up.
Settling for what has already been prepared is a danger zone. You have to see ahead like the eagle and use all of the resources made available to you. Wherever you are – it’s imperative that you level up!
What do I mean by ‘Level Up’? Simply, regain your fuel. You’re spending at this very moment precious time and energy. You can covert this at your leisure but you most certainly use the wings you’ve been provided to fly away into productive manifestation.
Don’t wait for nothing. Nothing ain’t coming but something is always around the corner.
Believe that!
This fact has made me more aware of my wrestle with paranoia and the weight that comes with it. Basically, Murphy’s Law is a B*I*T*C*H*! Knowing that anything that can go wrong will go wrong – has been coughing me up and especially seeing my connection with the number 3.
For as long as I could recall numbers would follow me in some way. Whether it’s some form of ‘7’ (14,56,34) or some form of ‘9’ – it has happened to me all the time. This particular season of *2018* we are only 21 Days Into it – 3×7 – 3 has been this important number of leveling up. I’ve seen it in the most inconvenient and teaching way possible.
Which goes back to my relationship with paranoia – which isn’t always a great way for it to reveal itself back to me. Let’s say two bad things have happened to me back to back – then I start thinking another bad thing must be on its way towards me.
Although, this could also mean something really good is due to happen to balance it all out.
I want to level up but it’s hard when your mind starts making nonsense out of coincidental situations. (Or is it coincidental?)
I doubt myself and while I believe this is a very good quality it can become problematic due to not having enough faith in myself.
We should all level up, yes? Can we do this without annihilating our present convictions? Certainly!
I don’t have a particular formula to establish this – but I do know that all of us are apart of this game of connecting all of our experiences. The way in which we do is selective to our interpretative measures. If we ease on the stress and live in the moment, we’ll do better at remembering “The Birds are Singing” we don’t have to hang on to fear and stress, stress, stress, and more stress.
It’s 2017 and everybody I know gets Triggered. It’s on some ASMR type of flow. Are you seeing the same shit I’m seeing?
Maybe you haven’t been aware of the plethora of ways in which trauma can be unlocked – but let me tell you: The box and key are always engaged in some kind of slippery slope of twists and turns.
Have you been living underneath a rock or something?
Every and anything can be triggering!
What’s funny about it – is that it doesn’t take much really. We’re constantly forced to deal with things and a lot of those things have childhood triggers we don’t understand yet.
Upon sudden contact – Bing!
We’re then pushed in the wrestling ring by the beast we haven’t fully seen.
Anytime I smell its fragrance – It gets a little bit closer to defeating me. I’m PRESSED because I can’t predict when my next collapse will take place?
It’s on the television. It’s on my phone. In the classroom. At work. With my family. With friends that I hang out with. I have no idea what I’m gonna see or what I hear and how this may trigger me wherever I happen to be.
Triggers are invisible forces that I can’t seem to protect myself from.
No warning. No map for closure. My anxiety is constantly multiplying because of various triggers.
These are close to home reminders that are not so easy to run away from.
I heard somebody say “Our generation should just get a grip and not be so loose on our emotions when they run through us like a flame.” I’m just laughing at that cuz IF we could pick and choose what triggered us, we wouldn’t be so damn triggered.
While we can’t control how they come, I suppose we understand those triggers. We can begin to learn how to unpack some of those various traumas.
Identifying them can be hard work tho – but it’s our responsibility.
Are we the Triggered Generation? I’d say Hell Yeah! But people long before us have had these triggers.
We’re just a bit more aware of the impact they have and there’s comfort in knowing – we ain’t all alone in this.
This piece is for my friend Loxten, which will be used for his future project.
Feeling as if the day to day bread is just not enough? Maybe you should get intoxicated from what’s above. Far too often we allow the misery of the usual to burden why LIFE is the most important aspect of LIVING. It’s easy to get held up in the routine, but there is more to life than this! These days that are usually aloft from the activity of remembrance, is how life should be indulged.
If you have ever pondered what bread is and what life might mean. I encourage you to watch this video, and get encouraged! This is written for you, and if I can help somebody to come! I’ll feel my mission has summarized quite well!
I Wish I was able to attend my FAVORITE Aunt in the world, Aunt Linda`s funeral today in Mississippi, but could not leave work. She not only taught me about the miracles in the universe. But how we are all equal! Whether you are a woman or man // You are capable of the same things! She was one of the first people to go against tradition. To bend the rules and enjoy life. To not be so focused on pleasing people but serving people!
She is one of the greatest inspirations in my life. Knowing I can`t talk to her for hours at a time really hurts me. I know God arranged her in my life for a purpose and that will be fulfilled day by day. She will continue to encourage me, cause as she always said and I never quite understood it until now. “All is well, even when you are not feeling good things are well”. It`s going to be hard not hearing her laugh and crack jokes about any and everything.
But her voice and her spirit are well with me!
I have been delayed in writing, but I am learning to allow my fingers to walk on the blank sheets of space. I have experienced betrayal, greed, selfishness, and disrespect on many levels of existence. I really am given the expense of surprise as I ponder the reasoning behind the heart of the peculiar minds. I really don’t know where I would be if it was not for the hand and heart from Miss X. She really has been there to listen and remind me that love yields understanding. I just want to be there with her, away from the madness I am within.
It’s amazing to hold on to the one that loves you and wants you to be saved from those against you. This is a hard time for me. So much madness, and delay all for the sake of MONEY.
Michael said it best:
“So you call it trust
But I say it’s just
In the devil’s game
Of greed and lust
They don’t care
They’d do me for the money
They don’t care
They use me for the money
So you go to church
Read the Holy word
In the scheme of life
It’s all absurd
They don’t care
They’d kill for the money
Do or dare
The thrill for the money”
The thrill of getting what is not rightfully owed to you NOW or even later, will not repair a broken relationship. The core of everything and anything is ‘Relationship’! How can anything function if the variables are not allowed the program of authenticity? Being loaned the hands of a quick fix can not puncture a digit that will respond to pressure. The height of invaluable measures is being dawned in a time of deception and selfish motive. When one cancels the logic that nature is derived from, the mono cause of its life becomes drowned in poisoned fluids. If not for the alive veins of study and codes, we are given the software bypassed by endless paradigms. The absurdity of blood thickens as the result is caused by the cut of a familiar knife.
I am held by the given love of Miss X; she is not a variable, but my tower and love. I really have to shout out my love for her, and the inspiration to keep on writing as that will develop an attitude and wonder to this madness…I love You!
Summarized Notion For Thought: I’ve used madness to conjure inspiration. The wonder of polluted intentions is understood when the visual for clarity is sound.
I have no one to talk to now so I have decided my words to talk to you because you are somewhere here on earth (Aren’t you?)
No one really knows the process of how the Internet evolved to where it is now but certainly, it has given us the capacity to communicate in ways we probably never thought were possible a couple of years ago.
BUT, that is not what I want to talk about.
I want to talk about dreams in what part they play as it concerns a relationship broken or mended. I remember me and Miss X use to get these dreams all the time. Every time she dreamed, she would remember every detail of it. She always told me that there was a way for everyone to remember their dreams. Apparently, psychology and experts have come to an agreement you could. I have yet to know that formula. I always seem to remember bits and pieces, and so when someone was to ask me. I would make it up along the way where I forgot. I mean, they wouldn’t know the difference anyway, because it was MY dream. No one really likes hearing a good story, and then the storyteller stops and says. “Then..I don’t remember…”
People can deal with not remembering but they rather you add something for the sake of the story. Imagine going to a movie and right at the climax, it just stops. It’s the same feeling when watching one of your favorite shows, and the ‘TO BE CONTINUED…‘ Slaps your anticipation in the face. That sucks, but even more so; if it’s a real event you really have no clue on how to finish. That is when you start making some details up which make some type of sense. Nonetheless this morning, I remember large details from this dream. It’s speaking to me, and it makes my heart apprehensive. I remember I made a video called:
‘2 Giants Kissing In The Land Of Small Things’
This video best summarizes this dream. I made the video about a year ago, and the meaning makes sense now. I remember I heard the voice ‘2 Giants Kissing IN The Land Of Small Things’ while in my best friends car in New Orleans. It just came to me like that, so as inspiration so often does.I just went along with that voice. I wrote a little story about it and eventually, I made the video you see above.
Me and Miss X were like TWO BIG Giants kissing in the land of small things. When you think of that scenario that births out an equation of miniature or major chaos within romance! We were two large giants in our own respects and we were romantic. However, the setting was small. We were somewhat locked in a time that had to mean and where space had walls. I remember telling her – I want to be at a place where time has no meaning and space has no more walls. She always looked at us being at this place already, but it still seemed as if we were not there. In my opinion; it’s as if we wanted to believe we were there because we loved each other so. When you’re in love – imagination windows a picture of perfection or at least contentment in what is there. It windows so many elements that are not necessarily the mirror of what will be revealed.
In the dream, we met up in an exotic town, and she looked so beautiful to me. I held her and my heart sunk. We both cried and looked at each other with immense realizations that this was our final destination. I told her I love her, and she told me she loved me. We were on our way boarding a train, when her Father came, (kind of playing around with me as if he wanted to slap my hand, but then he shook his head and suckered punch me and started to laugh.) As we boarded the train it was only me and her together, and somehow our setting seemed maximized as if we could kiss in peace without the restrictions of small lands.
Immediately after this dream. I remained quiet for about an hour. Just reviewing all of this in my head. Upon reflex of this dream, I started to call her and expose my love and desire. But, I’ve been there and done that. If by any realization of reconciliation, it must be done face to face. In this digital age, it’s so easy to communicate; but it does not engage anything. Face to Face allows full emotion, and for details to paint themselves. When my money has grown in the fullness of time there lays the edge to make this land FIT for us. A place where we can come together in romance not be coming off the edge of small things. Being at a place that is shy to the motions of enlargement; which always seemed to embarrass us.
I haven’t visited any social sites pertaining to her name. Instagram being the exception as we share common friends, but I haven’t written to her in the solitude of my chants. Neither has she. I realize if the time and space will come, it will then be under the God-given ability of action. Writing this now has really welcomed me into peace. I feel so much better just reminiscing about the truth of my dreams. I hope all of you out there, can count the reflections of love in the summary of your desires. Don’t ever feel like a remote. You can program the destination you want to go. It often takes two, but before one is added You can still pronounce ‘Mono Realities’. Sometimes in the solitude, you feel the haunt and taunt. Billy Holiday told the truth in this:
‘In My Solitude’
“In my solitude, you haunt me
With reveries of days gone by
In my solitude, you taunt me
With memories that never die
I sit in my chair
Filled with despair
Nobody could be so sad
With gloom everywhere
I sit and I stare
I know that I’ll soon go mad
In my solitude
I’m praying
Dear Lord above
Send back my love”
When the world is sleeping, I hear the memories. When everyone is gone, and no one to talk to me. I do sit and stare..going mad! LOL. But I know the solitude days are only given when one loses focus on the motions of changing for a season. Prayer always keeps me in fellowship with my spirit and God. Say what you want about prayer; the reason we pray is to be intimate with the creator. I don’t pray out of just desperation. I’m not the one to look up to the sky when something is going wrong. I pray because of identification within the struggle. I have one to listen, and that one knows what it is I am going through.
I’ll be OK, in fact, I am going to start working sometime soon. It’s been rough finding in employment being that its summer and 100+ degrees outside. It’s 107F’ now. Crazy! However, I will make my money and move out of these walls. The time is sooner than ever, especially considering the small occupations that have now been made available. I won’t entertain the physicality or even the notion of a flirt; so many have done that before, but the planets which orbit around the sun have made their existence known by the looking into the telescope. Now we can see through the money and perseverance due to the eager want to leave. AND I will leave…AND You’re gonna See me!
Summarized Notion For Thought: I realize that the message I hear, are futuristic imaginations of reality. This is only for a little while, but in this land, I am a giant and my kiss is Mono. The chaos is only in the anticipation of arrival.
writing until the pen runs N2 paradise clarity! (by uniform & random means) 