seeking…(Like A Lake)

the things i wished to do, i no longer care for
the places i wanted to travel, i can’t see as reasonable any more
is it because the covid numbers are spiking up?
or the doors which refuse me by slamming shut?

i wanna cry but don’t know why
i’m blanked in space
trying to rectify my face
i’m feeling numb, sad, and displaced
feeling alone in a ‘home’ that does not belong to me
wishing to paint with lens carefully and responsibly

while, cutting off those thrills which made it easy on my heart
i rather now be torn apart
by the very thing that’s eating me inside
it’s unnamed, unable to be framed, and thrives by the constant rain
that is to say : my crying tears are attempting to unmask my fears

although: stuck in a rut of staggering associations
befuddled by contradictory operations
seeking for a friend, but instead suddenly briefed by an online stranger that this too will soon end

without a sight to see what’s really wrong
or a voice to sing in harmonic song
having the very least, while the beast inside still demands a feast!
consuming everything at the dinner table
so that the unbelievable can be told as a fable

“did you see them eating all that cake? filling their stomach like algae would a lake! they probably wouldn’t feel that way – if they were the ones who had to make, all of which would soon be left to take!”

but: it’s a lot different when you’re behind an emotional wheel seeking to safely heal
& when the transportation to feel is left to squeal

if grief had a thief, would it take like a lake? or would it restore in its proper place : salty to fresh waters which trace back to grace?

P A R A D I S E? CLARITY ! (FORMULATED EXPLANATION)

CARE NOT TO ONLY READ BUT DIVE FURTHER FOR EXPLANATION? WATCH THIS INSTEAD :

20 minutes and 44 seconds, you ain’t gotta watch me. just play! ❤

what is ‘paradise’ if not for the s3arch for transparent understanding!

i’ve randomly been writing poems and symbolic gestures starting back to 2013 – in this collection of writings you’ll be able to s3arch through the many ramblings of my mind! i’ve spoken about everything from : SPIRITUALITY , food, and dREaMs & ThEir WaKiNG LiFe CoNtRaDiCtIoNs!

reading my own words have been a revelatory insight into the reason i began to seek higher understanding. it all began in early 2013 after leaving a relationship that had significantly transformed my ‘Process’ of what understanding looks like.

many o’ times, i thought i KNEW FOR SURE what i was going through. only to soon realize, my eyes missed the lies passed right in front of me. it took being told the same thing by close friends, family, and strangers for me to somehow think i was getting through…

UNTIL : I WAS LOOPED BACK INTO BACK INTO A THE WIRE! a GPS programmed to a circular circumference! here i was // saying – i got it, this time! i didn’t have the proper correlation or the education which comes with learning about love but also LIVING with someone whose narcissism is cloaked onto them, similarly to how a robe can cover a pulsating throb.

i didn’t see what was ahead of me because i didn’t realize : RaNdOmLy…the same begins with a name not belonging to a disposition of shame. IT TOOK 8 YEARS * & some change* for me to GET THROUGH!

i was searching for ‘X’ – the unknown but yet known ; cycles of stained decoration, left me in constant hesitation. refusing to move on, assuming i’d become the same pawn – set adjacent to the queen who would guess that ‘chess’ was better played if it ALL was made into a beautiful & toxic Mess!

PARADISE CLARITY has shown me out of the deepest enclaves – i can reach to understanding through the work without feeling the need to justify every correlation that led me to ‘Y’ = ‘X’ has occupied so much of my figuring out. throughout all the years and tears wherein i feared – ever knowing the peace of being alone. believing that ‘home’ – could be understood distant and way out overseas. now i see it all began with me…

^^^

except it’s not just ‘U’ but the ancestors who have always paved the path! one can easily do the math : they told you that it was a hard to do! that numbers and shapes couldn’t be understood by you! but that’s a damn lie – one can try. to reach a higher place ! where grace is already marinating in space!

THE S3arch is how one may get through! (uniformly or RaNdOmLy)

FINALLY releasing this has also allowed me to MOVE ON AND AWAY – from the pains and gains which left me bound to reason (& seasonal treason) against the truth that deeply remains.

herein my celebration, salvation is retained !

✨🌬🪜🔑🪟🪞🖤🪃🧩🚀⏳⌛️💡🧨🧹🧶🪡🧵

IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN PURCHASING :

✨ Currently ONLY Paperback, The Hard Copy Was a Gift to Myself ✨

Paradise Clarity

PARADISE CLARITY is the conceptual statement in which poetry and symbolic gestures comes through : to the reader by random and uniform means. It has been divided into 7 Volumes (Years) Starting from ‘Z’ (2020) To A (2013). THIS IS A 460 PAGE JOURNEY! Most of these writings were available online via blog posts, videos, and other forms of multi-media but never given the full moment to be absorbed as a whole. Whether you choose to RaNdOmLy or uniformly flip through the pages : the search to get to transparent destination is open to whichever destination you find most useful! *PRICE INCLUDES WORLDWIDE SHIPPING. PLEASE INCLUDE YOUR SHIPPING ADDRESS OF WHERE YOU WOULD WANT THE BOOK SENT* if you have any questions or concerns : please send an email to paradiseclarity@gmail.com Blessings!

$40.00

cashapp & venmo: $gesturegreen 

i would like to thank 3v3rybody who has taken the time to read and invest all of the words i’ve spoken within 7 volumes of time. so much has already been said, factors and predictions already laid…all of y’all, everywhere n everything : BL3ssings!!! ✨✨✨

PLUNGE THE DISTANCE

i’m not sure what this is going… but imma let it rip! the beast has been unleashed and thus have made the people mad. they are unhappy because they are steadily sad. things have been bad. the easy rhyme comes together like roses are red, violets being blue – this post is about the space between everything and YOU.

what is it about the need to compensate what’s lost? you can obtain a little but some of it (some of the crucial pieces) are left without a home. there’s misery in the pretense to erase what’s flowing out of you. conversations trapped in thought. looking to align some form of resounding clarity – hidden by the ghosted allegiance. once it starts – it can’t be put down. it’s a reckless jump! a feckless chump- dares not challenge with fire and tenacity.

one has to reason : but to what end? to defend? even the most present and persistent ill? to what fortitude is achieved; if reasoning is done to the justification of deeply engraved injustice? the mix of something nice alongside with something toxic, provides enough disillusionment. whose gonna sound the alarm? the push is nigh to revolutionize against systematic task-forces designed to portray the vote blue regardless of who. the work, is not readily finished – time begs the sketchpad to remember the fleeting and pressing metamorphosis. the programs aligned are soon to reboot but the power must be switched on.

the human condition by and large, remains in a cyclical loop, connected to previous generations. whenever we, involve ourselves into any kind of dynamic – chemical reactions fluctuate. these reactions are elected by the intimating methods of various conjecture. no one truly knows the formulas of combustion and why there’s boom and bang! we can study the mystical properties obtained and risk combining explosively or enough to merely sizzle!

this sigh is stolen by the frustrating essence which is uneasy to remove. our power remains docile against the ever changing light. this light is one that brightens awareness of the way things go. they’re going in a way that can’t be controlled by much of anything. the circumstances we tolerate and manage, are usually stemmed in a mutual exchange. however, many times we are held hostage by the supreme and authoritarian rule. we don’t have the keys although we’ve been offered a free tour!

 

when we walk – we embark on a chilly lark. 
from new bees to the west of the seas and trees. 
green pastures from the high and low plains – freeze in the plunged distance. remnants from a broken rock, remind us : the power which comes from
shattering collisions. 
the amalgamation of the things to come are swimmingly dense to the point of pick up. they’re coasting by floating on the top, swarming in the river.

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FEAT. cethree, x, 35, L, m, 1, and bomb!

getting across to this destination, is to go fishing in the seas of waiting: a hook trying to bait with a pole hanging southbound. we don’t know when the link is gonna click until it bites our ear off. loud and unsettling is the message which comes with no invite. bursting and thrusting scenes which sharpen the record! how could anyone ever forget something so dramatic? the boisterous sound is enough to encourage one to listen closely or avoid confrontation all together. the mood is set but it changes with the burning candle. wax burns down and eventually it begins to trickle…

the world needs love. we all need understanding for each other. we get so many shots to get it right. following what inspires us. i don’t know about you but have you ever felt misled? maybe the clues were not adding up to your expectation or probable result?

colors and dreams
what does it mean?
can we question the rule of the obscene – without plunging too much green?

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Cursed Belonging

Cursed be the memory that led me to you – it was an illusion

A trick of the mind which entered me like a toxic pollution

The pollinated air and well-trained disguise guided me by making me adaptive

Those allergies produced a cough and itch that’s prisoned me captive

How could I ever resist that infallible rose

A token of blossom laced with the protection of the thorns which are clothes

I’m cut by the tender clinch

Reminded yet again that everything we hold requires us not to flinch

A forged experience completely entwined by a complex tribe

If we only listened to the call of the shadows – Would this still be a bribe?

Now, I’m like a ghost wishing to belong to a world opposite of the dream

Steady longing for those sketches of empty frames which scream

Envisioning to be filled yet again with color and personality

The curse of belonging is a memory from the heart of commonality but not factuality

THE TRIGGERED GENERATION

Hell Yeah, we’re Triggered.

It’s 2017 and everybody I know gets Triggered. It’s on some ASMR type of flow. Are you seeing the same shit I’m seeing?

Maybe you haven’t been aware of the plethora of ways in which trauma can be unlocked – but let me tell you: The box and key are always engaged in some kind of slippery slope of twists and turns.

Have you been living underneath a rock or something?

Every and anything can be triggering!

What’s funny about it – is that it doesn’t take much really. We’re constantly forced to deal with things and a lot of those things have childhood triggers we don’t understand yet.

Upon sudden contact – Bing!

We’re then pushed in the wrestling ring by the beast we haven’t fully seen.

Anytime I smell its fragrance – It gets a little bit closer to defeating me. I’m PRESSED because I can’t predict when my next collapse will take place?

It’s on the television. It’s on my phone. In the classroom. At work. With my family. With friends that I hang out with. I have no idea what I’m gonna see or what I hear and how this may trigger me wherever I happen to be.

Triggers are invisible forces that I can’t seem to protect myself from.

No warning. No map for closure. My anxiety is constantly multiplying because of various triggers.

These are close to home reminders that are not so easy to run away from.

I heard somebody say “Our generation should just get a grip and not be so loose on our emotions when they run through us like a flame.” I’m just laughing at that cuz IF we could pick and choose what triggered us, we wouldn’t be so damn triggered.

While we can’t control how they come, I suppose we understand those triggers. We can begin to learn how to unpack some of those various traumas.

Identifying them can be hard work tho – but it’s our responsibility.

Are we the Triggered Generation? I’d say Hell Yeah! But people long before us have had these triggers.

We’re just a bit more aware of the impact they have and there’s comfort in knowing – we ain’t all alone in this.

This piece is for my friend Loxten, which will be used for his future project.

Shadow Acquaintance

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It sometimes haunts me with a lingering presence. It’s as if my eyes can only see it and its beginning to make me nervous. Yet, I am finding peace in what this means. The memory is becoming a comedy and eventually- I end up swallowing the anomaly. It’s not so bad to miss great experiences and to monetarily become engulfed with the charm of its power. Reality keeps me in check. I realize, there were a series of choices that were made, which leads me to where I am.

It wasn’t a spontaneous amount of emotionally unbalanced feelings. I regret nothing because what I demonstrated was a result of real emotions. So as the parade of positive memories follows me as a person. The shadowy nature of its power, reveals to my ways; I was hurt and misunderstood as well. It’s not that I focus on the darker aspects of experiences but I must allow proper balance and weight.

It wasn’t all the way white, so let’s acknowledge the BLACK.

Every experience seems to carry both light and dark aspects. So it is necessary to find favor in both the black and white. (Never dispel one because the other is more appealing to you.) So with an alarming shadow appearing at randomized moments, I can truly appreciate this presence that feels like a person.
The light and the activity around it, reveals this dark shadow, which has become a necessary acquaintance.

Hovering

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I’m hovering over you because you’re over me.

Your shadow is a lurking creep and I swear it’s to keep me in the age of ancient time.

Sweet forces of bliss pantomimed.

In my heart and my conscious mind.

Addressing the tribulations of my alienated vocal dimension – I beckon to be heard.

Through a lover like you, with a season of passion and a river of mention.

To be carried under your umbrella of comfort, I plead for the rain to shower.

Just to be felt by your grasp, only a little more, and I’ll be closer into the pondering of your mind.

Comforted by the sweet walls of your thoughts.

These scales of recognition are trailing marks of your interest to me.

Your ideas carved with me in sound.

Breathlessly my own sequence of words is captured in the engaging glare.

Redemption.

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You excite me and make my thoughts – spend into suspension.

All of you.

I can’t deny what I wanna make you feel.

I wanna cause your actions to form into a battle.

Literally paralyzing you into a web of sticky cream.

Then I want to get rid of your syrup by sentencing your lips with the weapon of my passion.

Pouring into you sections – I haven’t shown to anyone.

But my youthful self when I first realized, how bad I wanted a girl like you.

Badly like the oceans – I seek to calm you in the midst of your trauma.

Again I wanna become a slave to your spell.

I want you to look at me so I can surrender my reservations to you.

Giving you my jokes and camaraderie so that your laughter is a temptation of undress.

Confess!

Confess so I can heal you by the meditative forgiveness I must pardon to you.

For the blasphemy of your presence writes onto the walls the need for redemption.

If my passions resurrect a savior to your transgressions – follow me into this bliss.

Heaven is our journey and we are saints as we relinquish into the fire of paradise.

Inspired BY The Muse Of Native Land.